Thanks Tad, I know this in my head. I know she isn't seeing things the way they truly are and were. But in my heart it still stings so much. To top it off towards the end of the call she says "I do care about you and want you to be happy". Uh? Well, she sure has an odd way of showing this! It doesn't help that I'm so darn close to getting my sh!t together and getting a new job (which will need my attention, not all the crap she is wanting from going before a judge to mediation) but need to finish a course I haven't the time for AND learn all this new stuff that the course is teaching me while getting bombed by lawyers, the IRS, the electric and water companies, etc. It's all almost too much to take. I was hanging on by a thread and she pulls this? Cares about me my butt!
She is actually worse, not better! She is deeper into her fantasy world where she is the victim and I am the awful ogre then ever! I have left her totally alone. I NEVER initiate contact with her. I haven't once asked her for anything or said a single bad word. I have listened to her spews and tried to validate. For all this I get this hateful "oh, I am so broke and have to take care of you" crap when I already feel bad because I can't afford to help my girls more with money.
I actually thought about ways to hurt her tonight. Ways to make her life so much harder and give her a taste of what MY life has been like the last 2 years because of her. I HATE this. I don't want to be a vindictive person and hurt her back. I do still care about her in some ways as i KNOW she may come out of this some day and see the truth of her actions. I want to be able to just say "Too bad that she had to go through this, I tried but she wouldn't listen" and move on! Let her go on her journey and get on with my life but she won't let me! She is in such a hurry but won't give in to what I think is fair.
Oh how the holiday season is going to be so much fun!
