My story of WAH

[seaspin]

I've been lurking here for awhile. I finally thought maybe I should post my story in case it helps anyone else. It seems like there are more posts about WAW's than WAH's.

I thought we were doing well. The child bearing years along with H's cancer treatments were tough. Very tiring & draining. We had drifted apart but I never thought H would leave. I thought we had to just get through this rough period and we'd be ok. The months prior to BD, I did sense H pulling away. He doesn't say much and held all his feelings in.

Feb- He sent me a Valentine's card and said he loved me. We went on a date. I had fun. I thought he did too, but maybe he was faking it.

Aoril - A close relative of H's died of cancer, H found out his cancer was back (although he doesn't need treatment yet). A few weeks later, the BD came. H was especially distant all day. I confronted him and told him he didn't talk to me anymore. That's when he said he didn't know if he wanted to be married. He waited for me to change all these years, but I never did. Somehow I was supposed to mind read that. He didn't know what the future held but would go to counseling with me after he got himself checked out for a mental illness (came back neg).

3 weeks later - took a weekend trip to CA for work. Very unusual. There was one particular day he didn't call home at all. Not normal. I later found receipts for expensive restaurants and museum tickets on an account we never use. The day he comes home, he says he wants to separate. Doesn't see me as a friend. There are no seeds left to grow a friendship. H moved into another bedroom and started being really cold toward me.

1 week later (June)- Lied about going on a trip to CA. Said he was going to a different state. He came home and said that he wanted a D. Said he always wanted one & tried not to mislead me. He feels that his only options are to stay in a bad marriage or leave and possibly find something better. If he supposedly only has so many years left due to cancer (he could live a long life) he wants to be happy and free. Cancer was supposedly a wake up call for him to "be happy".

I'm so confused at this point. H used to be a conservative, family man. He also grew up in a religious home, but now believes totally opposite. He said nothing all this time about being discontent. I did all the wrong things - cry, plead, wrote a love note, said I would change, etc. He said he's just too different now. Doesn't believe in marriage. People change so you should be able to get out of a marriage. Our relationship has been over for a long time (Huh? How can he declare it over when I didn't know?) He said he was just pretending all these years, there were no good times at all. He doesn't believe I can change.

His complaints
- His LL is Words of Affirmation - I gave none
- He didn't feel like I wanted him - kids got more attention
- I'm too critical
- I'm emotionally distant (funny, he says that when I always thought he was the emotionally distant one).
- I didn't fight for him
- He thought I put all his ideas down

June - H moved out on our anniversary date. I felt relief for some reason. I read his twitter tweets and found that he acts like a totally diff person there. Very outspoken, drinks, bad language, mentions suspected OW at times. Apparently, he's been like this for months before BD and I never knew. At this point I start DBing and I read DR, got a DB coach...

June - Present - WAH is in CA almost every week for "work"

Aug - Find more evidence of an A.

Sept - In MC I asked about his female friend in CA - He said this girl had been a good friend of his and he realized he could have fun with her and not walk on eggshells. He'd been on a "few" dates with her. This OW is a former co-worker.

Currently he is pressing to move forward during this holiday season. However, he has yet to file.

I'm sure there's more that I will post later... Thanks for reading!