Help everyone! I just had a really horrible call with my W! First I find out from HER that my lawyer is dropping me because I haven't responded AFTER I told him I had no time to talk to him and would get back to him. Than she said "Why don't we just talk about this". I said that wasn't a good idea but I let her rope me into talking. I couldn't believe all the crap she was spewing. Now she's been unhappy since the first day of our M, so much so she was getting sick and would be dead if she didn't leave. Then she went on a rant saying that she was "still having to take care of me" because I'm on her insurance and she has paid more for stuff for D14. That the house I live in is "half hers" and that I live there rent free. I pointed out SHE left the house on her own and that until the D is final that is how it works, I live here only because she moved out! That my wanting to get back the money that was cashed out of my retirement and to pay her student loans is just "unfair" because I shouldn't have cashed it out and that her loans were payed for with "her half" of money from tax returns.
Then things got personal. I was "mean" to my D19 until she (W) asked for a D. That "all kinds of people" had told her that I was "mean" to my D19 for years and she told me time and time again that I should be nicer to her. That "everyone" was unhappy until she asked for a D, meaning me, and my D's. When I said that only she see's it that way, that the girls weren't unhappy, she said that they are just saying that to be nice and not hurt my feelings! Here I am trying to make some money, any money and get through this course and she's doing this!
She thinks that she is entitled to half of everything even though she brought $30,000 in debts and I brought in $50,000 in assets that we used to live on to the M. I told her all I wanted was what I had coming to me by law and that my lawyer told me that I had a right to recover that money. She said that my lawyer is just telling me what I want to hear and that her lawyer is trying to "help" me!
When I told her that, like I said at the start, this isn't a good idea and that I need to talk to my lawyer she went personal. Brought up things from 21 years ago and acted like they had just happened. Refused to believe that she said things that she had said. Told me that I was acting like a jerk. If anyone remembers the time right after she left that I asked about maybe keeping an antique clock we bought at her grandmothers estate sale and she freaked out in front of the kids and her BFF, well she now says she was "as calm as could be" and that I was being so loud and angry her BFF thought I was going to hit her! I can't believe that! After she left I apologized to my D's and they both said I had nothing to be sorry about. That they couldn't believe how she was acting and I did exactly the right thing. W has it backwards.
To top it off, now that she has left she is so very happy. She no longer is on anti-depressives (she probably should be), her health is better, blah, blah.
I broke a lot of DB rules tonight but not all. I really, really tried to listen and validate when I could but the biggest rule I broke was letting her rope me into a talk to begin with! I have been fighting being so depressed and trying to hang on by my fingernails. She even says that I never said that she shouldn't move so far south in case I couldn't get a job south. She freaked out when I said this saying I NEVER said such a thing. I most certainly did! And I told her I didn't think D14 should be in a school so far away. She has the guts to say that she put her in that school because it was where D14 wanted to go. That is so untrue. D14 wanted to go to school closer to me but farther from her and one of her friends mother offered to take her in the morning but W didn't want to be "beholden" to anyone. I should have fought her harder on this.
I hate what has happened to her and how she has now changed everything. She is no further along in getting through her MLC than the day she bombed me. She may even be worse. I had to hear again how she didn't love me from the day we M and that we should have D'd years ago. That if she had kept working she would have left years ago. She only had our kids because she wanted kids, even though she "didn't love or want me". How am I supposed to care about this person? How can she say it was all an act, that inside, the entire time, she was dying. Than she ends saying she "cares" about me and wants me to be happy! Really? She sure has a great way to show it!
Right now I'm angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I'm angry at her for saying that I was such a bad father when I was the one who took the kids everywhere, who had to feed them, take them to get prom dresses for God's sake because she couldn't be bothered...but of course that's MY fault because I "made" her unhappy. I want to hate her but I don't hate her really. I hate the way she is thinking and acting. The way she turns things around like the way she acted about the clock. I watched her lose every friend she ever had because she always was somehow slighted by them and just stopped talking to them. I watched her stop caring about her kids and her M and now blames me for HER actions. She says that I did things I never did, said things I never said, felt ways I never felt and uses those things to justify her own behaviors. She may be in crisis, but according to her, she's happier than she has been in 20 years because she left. How am I supposed to care about someone like this?
My goodness I'm spinning! I hope someone is out there that can help bring me down.
