The Goddess of the Goats Sees Into The Future

[GoatGal]

If I get angry--he gets angry at me for being angry.

If I am hurt by something he does, he gets angry at me for expressing that hurt.

If I pull back and go dark, he gets angry and pulls back even more, as if I am doing something to reject or hurt him.

If I GAL and am having a good time, this also makes him angry.

The anger comes out in passive-aggressive ways, but it's at the core of everything, I believe. He is very resentful, probably has been for years.

I suspect he feels that I have mistreated him, that I am still mistreating him. Although cognitively, I'm pretty sure he knows that's not true.
But it FEELS that way to him.


This has come up many times in relation to the D, he doesn't want to feel what this destruction feels like. He doesn't want to feel my pain. He can't handle anything.

He issued the D partially as a gag order... he wanted me to stop expressing my emotions, stop being angry. He basically said, "it doesn't matter anymore, you can shut up now, I'm just going to D you/"

Even once after he said "What can I do to help you feel more secure?" which sounded really genuine, I answered that I needed to be able to express myself and I needed to talk some things through.

At which point he YELLED at me, "That's NOT going to HAPPEN, Goat Gal! I WANNA A DI-VOOORRRRCCE!!!!"

I think he is willing to provide any kind of support to me which does not require any emotion. So he'll pay the bills and fix my tires, and pick up the heavy stuff.

But he won't be kind, sweet, thoughtful, compassionate... even with D on the table, does he have to be so cold-hearted?
So angry AT ME?

I know, I know... it's just a weird moment. The holidays coming on. I was in the stores today and... well... it was touch-and-go there at points.

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The man is a total slave to his emotions, which are largely colored by a rough childhood and some other issues. They do not reflect reality.
He can't seem to see that.

This has always been present, but now it's incredibly bad.

It's as if he takes everything as an attack--my pain over his actions, my unhappiness about our situation, my sadness, my GALing, my self-sufficiency, my liking other people, if I suggest he do something differently, or ask him to cooperate or plan with me...

No---I am NOT trying to fix him. I'm just trying to understand some of this dynamic to tailor further interactions.
I'm tired of walking on eggshells just to keep the peace.

I almost want to blow things up...and get it over with.