D drew a picture this evening. It shows a broken heart. h is inside the left part, the dog and I are in the right part of the heart. She is in the middle sitting on top if a star. When I asked her to describe the picture to me, this is what she said:
"The heart is my heart and it's broken. Dad is on one side and you and Daisy are on the other. I'm on a star floating away and being pulled back and forth between you two. I hate it, mom. I really don't like it."
Cue my own heart breaking. Again.
D just got off the phone with H for their nightly call. She wanted to explain her picture to him and got really somber and down. She explained it but he didn't get it. She kept explaining it saying she wishes she were an oracle because then she'd either be smiling or crying. He didn't understand so she explained further.
She said she wished she could know whether we were getting a divorce. That it was hard not knowing and going back and forth to different places.
His first question is, "what's bringing this up?"
This always annoyed me because he can't fathom that someone could possibly be expressing how they feel simply because that's how they feel. He always assumes there's a trigger. His "what's bringing this up" is his way of avoiding the actual issue: D is struggling with the unknown and is expressing a need for help.
He just went in with his scripted statement:
"Well your mom and I love you very much and we always want to be with you. You know?"
She's not stupid. She knows that's a canned statement that she hears every time she brings this up. She actually rolled her eyes as he said it.
It's frustrating being on this end hearing all this, him not getting it, her asking for help and guidance and support and him asking "what brought this up?" .
His explanation of this to her, something like, "it's an adult thing and hard to explain but basically isn't it better that we're not arguing and are happier living apart?"
I had to open a closet and yell "jerk face!!!" into a thick winter coat.
He's not doing the work. And I don't think he will.
