Big thanks to both of you, has helped with my PMA. I agree with you on the sales training, she is still in the decision making mode and is teetering back and forth, whether she wants to admit it or not. She just tries to force herself to go the other route, like holding onto these excuses and reasons so long ago. I just have to have that knowledge and work around it like RJ said. Our secret, I know better what she is trying to do, I just compensate for it in my actions.
I agree on the R talk, I have been reluctant to ask for it or initiate but if I don't, she just avoids it and thinks she can jam this through without facing the pain. It just can't happen that way, its not fair to either of us.
Betsey you are right, I do a good job of understanding and I need to do more of it and be better at it. My challenge though is she doesn't talk. So my job is REALLY TOUGH. I need to initiate, talk a little, listen and understand, but then initiate and draw her out more, and know when it is right to call it BS when it is clearly BS, but in a non-disruptive way (really tricky) while simultaneously understanding and listening and taking all the painful blows she delivers. The really difficult part is calling the BS in an understanding way, but I think I may have a handle on it.
Anyone else feel like they are dealing with this personality type?
Speaking in her language and using her words if a great idea RJ. I have noticed it really works. She feels understood. Maybe not repeat the exact same sentence, but use KEY PHRASES that she has used in the past. They relate and feel as if you are on the same page, looking in the same direction.
I noticed using analogies works really well too. Like when I spoke about my clients and work issues, she related well. It was also an opportunity to share details of me (gets her closer), ask her opinion (feels valued), take her advice (feels valued), and no R pressures but talking about somthing meaningful. I will try and think of more analogies to talk about.
My goal is to be her best friend and for me as well as for her. Be my best friend first, then hers. Showing kindness and concern while not being in my comfort zone and her knowing it is really difficult for me.
I have noticed she says Thank You in that special tone of voice she used to use when I did somthing for her and she felt really appreciated in the past. I'll keep noticing those little things. This is so tough, I just want my WIFE back. I promise to be a good boy, and the BEST FRIEND and husband EVER.
