Patience Consistency Unconditional Love

[rj2]

We humans tend to say NO and NEVER and I'M NOT GOING TO CHANGE MY MIND when, in fact, we are basically feeling something very opposite. That feeling being: "My answer is NO until I have sufficient information to convince me to make this a YES."

Wow, Betsey that is great to point out! Ok, all of us need to remember that for our sitches... What you do can change things in time, for sure! Butterfly effect.

I see the warming in your encounter too! There are baby steps to chalk up, for real. W wants to spend more time with you is HUGE. Actions before words... 'Discontent' is coming out from the core right now, but look to the little signs showing otherwise for indications. You mention W is starting to see changes in you, but not sure. This is the start of the progression. It has already begun.
IMHO, just keep showing more of the "new you" in her most resistant complaint areas- like the drinking/smoking thing.... Does W know on Sat nights you're playing sports now instead of being at the bar? Or something like that. Let it show through in many ways. It's expected for WAS to be doubtful, critical and cynical for a while... may take longer if you have lesser contact, but have the secret wisdom that you're on the road! I smile now when H says his silly little comments, or doubts( outwardly validate and then soothe it away, but knowing deep down it's just the fear talking makes it a piece of cake) I think speaking in W's language helps it along too, keep up with the emotional perspective. Use some of her phrasing, completely understand her. What are her modes of speaking - does she like analogies? If so, start using some in her interest areas. Last night H and I were finding new understandings between each other through music and martial arts/ eastern philosophy. Different mediums work wonders! So, use what's appropriate to W's interests. And here's another thought... did you ever cry in front of W before- would that be a 180? I'll post more later- these are my first thoughts. Way to go on expanding through another visit, though. WAY TO GO!