KGirl con't

[KGirl]

Thank you all for the reminder that I'm still young (sincerely, not sarcastically!) - I really shouldn't be complaining because I am relatively young and many of my friends are just in relationships/newly married. Lots of time to start over, but I am scared that that also gives me more time for this to happen to me again. Confession - I found out a guy in my apartment building is a grad student in the dept. I work in. I looked him up on our dept. website, and his picture was pretty cute.. and then I saw he finished his bachelor's degree in 2013. So unless he took some time off at some point, he's probably 23 That made me feel "old".. and I have learned I am a terrible judge of age!

I don't know many people my age that are divorced (or that I want to emulate/be like, anyway) so that is tough. I also didn't really date seriously or had other relationships before H so the not knowing what's out there or how this all works is also scary. I mean, at this point (I guess my mind could change) I don't feel comfortable getting physical with someone unless I really like them and am in a relationship... maybe even love them. Is there going to be guys out there in their 30's who are willing to wait for that? :S blah. It is tempting to set up an online dating profile just to see what's out there and chat with people, even though I'm not really interested in starting anything.. just to see it's possible.

So I'm in the "anger" section of the book I'm reading on rebuilding after a relationship ends. It says "People who answer 'yes' to 'I blame my former partner for the end of our relationship' have not fully dealt with their anger yet." I'm not sure how I feel about that. I do blame H for the D, that's for sure. He wanted it, I didn't, I did not see it coming. Did I contribute to things that were harmful in our M? Yes. But I did not choose D as the solution to them, he did. So is it really "wrong" or unhealthy for me to blame him? Or am I really not "there" yet if I still think that?

Paul - no, I would not be interested in this person. It's hard for me to say if this was always like this and I just chose to ignore it, or if things changed/got worse over time. Either way, what I miss is who I thought he used to be (whether it's what I thought or what he actually was maybe doesn't matter at this point), not who he actually is now. I miss the status of being M, some of the dreams and goals, and material things, not really him as a person. I guess that's why I'm not so much actively doing things to try to bring him back or save our M (reading books on relationships, etc.) and just focusing on me and trying to build myself back up.