Continuing DBing after the affair

[PeterV2]

Hi Dev. Thanks for checking in. I haven't posted to my thread for 3 weeks. Just been working on stuff.

Starsky recommended the book Hold on to your N.U.T.s which I bought and read. Yes. Highly recommended. I've defined my N.U.T.s (non-negotiable unalterable terms) and am holding on to them. I also am trying to adhere to the BetterMen rules. It for sure will make me a better man.

I also got turned on to a personal coaching course which I'm taking through Frame Of Mind Coaching, a firm out of Toronto which I heard about through Lee Baucom's Save The Marriage website. That's helping me keep to my plan and challenging me to be the best I can be.

On the relationship front, we're selling the retirement home (RH) although the offer hasn't firmed up yet - should firm up by the 15th and will close on the 22nd.

W went away last Wed the 26th just to get away from the RH for a few days. So I stayed overnight at the RH while she was away. When she returned on Sat she was in a better mood but didn't want to return to the RH. On Sunday we had a family & friend dinner at our house. W & I cooked all day and had a great meal and a great party. W stayed over and we slept together; no intimacy but we took turns throughout the night holding one another.

In the morning she said she didn't want to stay at the RH any more. I had told her months ago that anytime she wanted to switch I would stay overnight at the RH ad she could stay at home. Well, she finally took my up on the offer and furthermore, since we're selling the RH on Dec 22, I'm now in the process of packing all her things and moving her back home. She's moving home!

She still wants to have her space and time to heal so I'm not sure what's going to happen on Dec 22 when I come home again overnight.

I work from home, so I now get up in the morning at the RH, and drive home to eat breakfast and go into my office to work for the day. She's been cooking me meals and we've been eating together and spending time together at home. Right now I'm on my laptop at the RH.

A couple of weeks ago W asked where I was planning on staying when she moved back home. I said I could sleep in the exercise room which is on the business side of our house. She didn't protest that possibility. So come Dec 22 I'll have to see how she feels. I may be sleeping with her in our bed or I may be sleeping downstairs. Still, at least we'll be under the same roof.

She needs time to heal before she can start on the process of reconciliation. I'll be patient and wait. At least things seem to be moving in a positive direction. I just have to focus on the positive.

Frame of Mind Coaching founder says, "What you focus on, grows". And I have always believed that.

Focus=Reality

I've stopped looking at porn. I'm focused on improving myself. I'm being squeaky clean, happy, joyful, hard-working and confident. If she doesn't notice or if she still decides to leave me, then it's her loss. She'd be a fool to. But that's her choice. I chose to be a better man.