I've gathered my thoughts and I'm going to try and give the condensed versions, stick with me.
Progress update from dinner with WAW. Met at her favorite restaurant, my idea. Was looking good, had PMA sky high, was babbling brooke, and acted as if. Had a great dinner, was connecting as friends again, excellent eye contact, good body language, asked her advice on business issues with clients (she had some good ideas and I complimented her, 180 for me), told her of my many new career opportunities and asked her advice (again, she had some good ideas and I complimented her). Talked about the Academy Awards (I never watched before). All big 180s for me.
She is certainly more talkative around me now, shares more details, she giggled and even laughed sincerely. She even said after dinner that she thought we were doing well as friends and she had a good time. ALL POSITIVES.
She kept talking about her trip to Vancouver so I had to ask who she went with. She went with GF from work for an industry convention. BIG WHEW. She didn’t go with OM.
Anytime she shares some details with me I'll take it as a sign she is comfortable sharing more with me so I will take the bait and bite, even if I think there might be a barbed hook, she obviously wants to talk about it. You guys agree?
She even mentioned she remembered how much fun we had going to Vancouver together. Another HUGE POSITIVE she is actually remembering fun stuff we did together.
Of course she had to mention that I went to my favorite bar there too much and that really bothered her. She went there with her GF though! Later on in the evening she was saying she had forgiven me "in essense" but also mentioned fights from our past that I had long forgotten. She has done this multiple times now. I have felt although she wants to forgive me she is still holding onto the resentment and the reasons for which and hasn't really let go. Maybe getting better now. She has downplayed our love and time together as "good times". Does she really believe thats all it was?
She has always had a problem with me smoking and drinking too much in her opinion. I have recently quit for myself and it has really helped me grow. When I told her I understood what she was saying before and how it clouded my judgement and validated, later she said "if you really have quit" comment. So she is skeptical. Funny thing is she said this in the context of saying other things about how she has recognized I've made some really big changes and I have grown a lot. So she will say she recognizes these changes (POSITIVE RIGHT?) but then will reveal she is skeptical by that comment.
She brought up D papers again and then said she didn't want to talk about R because she doesn't want to cry. I gently asked if we could talk about R otherwise we would never. Does she really think she rush this and can jam this thing through hastily with no reconsideration and time like everything else she has done in her life?
She finally agreed to talk about R. I know it is against common DRing but how else can I deal with it? Some people need to be confronted with things or otherwise they just hide from them, Kinda like what Underdog was saying yesterday. I think this was effective with her since no one else asks her to really consider these things. Also, she knows what is fair and what isn't. She knows her recent behavior isn't fair.
She later said she was PMSing and shouldn't talk to me when she is so emotional. Ironic I feel that is when she opens up to me the most, so do I contact her at these times even when she says not to?
I did a lot of listening and understanding. One of the BIG PROBLEMS I have is I feel so rushed when we are talking about R. She gets all tense, crying, and her instinct is to run and I feel like the Jeopordy clock and music in the background. I told her this made me uncomfortable and feel pressured and I'm really trying to just say the right things and it is difficult for me.
She listened and understood. She is so impatient with me at times because I think it is hard to deal with the guilt and she wants to just run away and avoid it. Avoid me and not have any contact with me to shut it out of her mind so she doesn't feel it. I said this to her, maybe I shouldn't have, but that was how I felt and she actually responded by slowing down and allowing us more time to talk openly. ANOTHER POSITIVE?
She actually said earlier she couldn't handle the emotional ups and downs anymore and it was really getting to her. Again I listened, understood and said I didn't want that anymore either and I want to the pain to end too.
Her dagger throwing had decreased dramatically until that night. When asked if she wanted to be married, she told her friend that as someone getting out of one, I just want the next one to be right. I don't get the sense she talks AT ALL about even CONSIDERING the possibility of reuniting. Who knows, maybe she does with her sister, I don't know.
She said she wants this D and she isn't going to change her mind. She really just wants to be friends. I validated as best I could but had to say that I really felt she wasn't allowing us the chance to be friends. I said I felt she was avoiding me at all costs and we didn't have any time or chance to be friends. She said she is totally stressed with her new business and says she stretched in too many directions and doesn't have any spare time for anyone, so I'm not alone there. I listened and validated.
I said I understood but you can spend time with OM and you avoid me at all costs? I said it is silly I'm not allowed to see our dog. Its silly I'm not allowed much contact with you, I'm trying to be your friend but I can't when I'm shut out and avoided. At the end of the night she actually said she would make it a PRIORITY to spend more time with me. This TOTALLY SUPRISED me. Got to be another positive. Maybe this gentle confrontation thing (sometimes strong) works with a the running away type. I guess I can only call them on the stuff that really is silly from the persepctive of what they want? In this case friendship?
Lots more happened but thats enough for now. Would really appreciate some opinions on this. Thanks everyone!
