for some reason I missed this post yesterday. I wish I did read it cause this post actually just opened the doors back up for me.
My W too has a "new" life that does not include me, or she tries so hard to not include me. But the fact of the matter is, she will never be rid of me. We have kids together.
Quote: I realized that she is choosing to run away from me, avoid me, and shut me out because she thinks that I will hurt her again if she allows me another chance and it is not worth the time and effort because she has immersed herself in this "new life" and doesn't have time for me. Her statement of Who knows, if we try again it may be WONDERFUL, but it also might NOT. I'm not willing to try again. Her eyes full of tears.
Now, I know that here on the BB all of us have in some way or another similar traits in our sitchs, and this one is similar to us. This is exactly what she is going through. I believe she is fighting herself, not knowing what to do, but choosing right now the easy way out, to try and ignore everythiong about me and live the "new" life.
Trouble is, and this is where it may be different between us, she does not know what the impact and consequences of these choices are actually doing to her and others around her, especially her own children.
Her drive to ignore her own pain and anger does not give her the ability to see reality. and that is a shame. almost like she is trying to create an alternate world for herself.
Reassessing is what I do every single morning and night. Figure out what role I have played in my life, what I did and did not accomplish. And then do something about it to better me.
I am a much happier man today because of my reassessment of myself.
But since this is your thread, I should stop talking about my sitch and address what you wrote.
There are NOT many people who have achieved detachment and are still able to DB with the goal of one day having a better R with that same person. I know you have achieved this from your posts. The peacefulness that it brings and the capabilities it provides are so wonderful. I don't think I could have made it without those things. We are better people today because we are able to detach from the sitch, and look at it from every angle, instead of only a few.
and you might want to stretch that spandex your wearing out a little, I think its cutting off circulation to your head if you think I'll let you get away with putting Ben Gay in mine. I can't believe I just wrote that.
Triple J
Things were different then. All is different now. I tried to explain, somehow..........
Eddie Vedder (Pearl Jam)
