You realize that you achieved detachment, right? I'm right with you on your comment that you've done the crying and it hurts too much to keep doing that.
Well, I still do it from time to time myself, but it's not very often. Like you, I usually choose to find the humor in things--most of the time, I can summon a really good, gut busting laugh. The endorphins I release from them have to make a dent in my system... and I'm guessing you have found the value in it as well.
Paragraph #1 is a heart wrenching account, but I have to commend you on your conclusions. This was (in a much better way) what I was trying to say to Triple J as well. There are times when the only talking that can be understood is the one you're showing.
To answer your question earlier in your thread (I must have had my head up my butt in not responding), we went the MC route. Actually, I've never posted this, so here goes (hopefully you can see that I made a very calculated risk that might have gone awry):
Our mediator actually told us that, if we headed to court, the judge would order us to MC for awhile (see Briget's post in MLC as proof that this can happen). He gave Mr. W. 8 weeks to come up with a date to head into MC with me.
He hedged and hedged. Then his mother took ill. He debated on heading home to Montana. I found a way to talk him into heading up there for Mother's Day. He was really in a bad way then, so I also voluteered to call the mediator and tell him to put the date out until he returned home--this was an extra 2 week grace period.
But I told him that I would expect an answer from him immediately upon his return. He called me the day before the "deadline" and told me to make the MC appt.
Well, looking back I see how many things I did wrong in that one. I would play by a different playbook this year.
The fact is that we were in MC for 4 months. When our MC had to cancel an appt with him personally (we had moved into IC appts to work out resentment), Mr. W. conveniently put MC on the hook for not calling him back to reschedule.
I had seen that although he was attending with me, he wasn't really working.
Now if he walks away, he can tell himself that by showing up, he tried.
We both know the truth, however. And so do you.
I don't see the fat lady anywhere in this stadium, Seattle.
So you just keep preparing yourself for the game.... Do I see a winner in Spandex?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
