I guess I'm doing a lot of posting today for a couple of reasons and I think I may also know why I'm so jovial.
First the humor I guess is for a couple of reasons.
1) I really feel like WAW has made up her mind and she is very inflexible and won't change it or even consider the thought of talking, or working on it to EVEN SEE if it is possible to change her position. I guess I have an opportunity to change her mind without her knowing through my actions that she does see and recognize. So although I am very sad, I also know I have nothing left to lose. I've already lost her. I guess my decision is do I still keep trying to draw her back?
2) I feel as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Not all of it, but a lot of it. I'm going to try to stop the crazymaking, the dwelling on OM, all of the other stuff that has been driving me crazy. I can't control any of that and have no influence on any of it. I am only going to focus on being positive and enjoying my life. The people I CHOOSE to spend time with and the ones that CHOOSE to spend time with me. I will make the best out of the relationships I have that appreciate me for me. My biggest challenge is to keep this same attitude with my WAW. Really kind of sick of being so good to someone that intentionally tries to shut me out and avoid me.
Reasons for the major posting today
1) Had another major R talk with WAW last night. Not positive words from her at all, but some positive signs in what she might REALLY be saying.
2) I'm being happy and positive since I'm really hurting inside so much but I'm so sick of crying I don't want to be in that place. So I'm not going to let myself be in purgatory, I'm too good of a person and I don't deserve it. I deserve to be happy so I'm going to make myself happy. Ok, I've got to quit crying now.
Trying to gather my thoughts about last night so I don't post one of those war and peace novels about the conversation of last night. Just the facts madam.
