Mindsin - Part 7 (Dark times)

[mindsin]

Made a big mistake and got myself into relationship talks over e-mail. These were conversations that we started to have in the last day or two but never finished. I first suggested that we discuss two topics.


1.) What things we can do to reduce/eliminate feelings of tension/anxiety around the house. Write down a list of things that are bothering you (be honest with your feelings). I'll do the same. Then we can come up with ways to make things better.

2.) What factors are present that prevent us from being more open and honest with each other.

What a mistake that was.

Her response:

I want to be perfectly clear on the intentions to having this type of conversations. For me it is NOT to reconcile or on the path of reconciling our marriage. It is purely to be very tactical about issues in front of us we need to address to make the living arrangement more tolerable. As I've told you earlier this week, I will give myself two months to in your words to "heal". And at the end of the time when i file for divorce I will not go through a reconciliation period to turn over our marriage. My stance was always the same. Our marriage should have ended long time ago, perhaps the first time in 2006, regardless, it was never pending on my relationship with [OM]. I hope you can see that now. I am not interested in continuing this marriage or rebuild a new one with you. Taking time over the next two months is purely for me. I want to be crystal clear so there is no chance of you misunderstanding me.

And I hope, in our effort to become better communicators with each other, you don't take this directness in a hostile way.

My response to that was basically to reiterate my stance (that I don't want D, and that I want to leave no stone unturned in keeping this family together). I asked her to simply keep an open mind, which was another mistake (asking for reassurances).

All she did was put up a defensive wall and further solidified her position and said things like:

"I don't want to be your W. That decision will never change"

"Staying married to you is NOT an option. I want to make that very clear with you and my stance will not change. Now or down the road. At some point, as someone as intelligent as you are, you need to accept this."

"I will do whatever it takes to ensure the kids are happy. Happy does not mean living under a roof with two parents married on paper, but one of them is not happily married."

Damage done. Now time to just keep my mouth shut for a while. She is going away by herself to a spa retreat this weekend.