Shocked by W

[hjoseph]

I have been the boards for a while before my post. I started applying what I learned two weeks ago. Since then, I have seen some changes on how W and I interact. It's a bit more formal. We are considerate of each other's different lives. We don't talk about anything unless it involves the kids. I don't initiate any conversation. I don't call or text. She calls and texts and mostly to ask if I can pick up the kids (step son and son) on her week. Step son used to go with his father since the separation but now he has been spending a lot of time with me instead. She has told she does that on purpose because she considers me a better father to him. I don't know if being available to her like that makes me a doormat, but she knows I do enjoy being with the kids and that I would not turn down an opportunity to be with them. I don't really check up on her or asks questions. I am an auditor, so I travel a bit and stay busy. It makes it easier.

To be honest, I don't know if there will be a chance of R. I had lost myself in this M. I gave her everything inch of me. I can understand how that can be unattractive to a woman. Satisfying her every desire at a drop of hat. Kind of like a puppy. Initially, it was my confidence that attracted her. I just have to get back to that. All I ever wished for her is happiness. I just have to realize that may not be with me.

We have yet to talk about our M or D. Its been 7 months and nothing so far about D. But,I will let her bring those up. Hope the space I give her is not for someone else to step in and take my place, but I am prepared for that. Loving someone is giving them the space to grow. She has some growing up to do. I believe in family. D is never an option for me. Thanks for letting me vent on here. I feel better.

Going forward: I am hoping she would want to talk soon. No matter what the decision is. R or D. I am hoping she will not want to stay legally married forever while we continually living separately. We have never spoken about the truth about us yet. well, at least, like adults. I feel that kind of closure will be necessary.