Thanks for visiting, I know myself and I know I could be a little different and still feel good about myself.
A little bit like you, I had a tough childhood, but I also had lots of love... it was very mixed. I had pain and happiness altogether.
I have been practicing, trying to find my inner self and feel good with my surroundings, the universe itself. I think it was always there and now it is becoming who I am. I don't want to be tough...I want to be strong in my values and my core as a person. I don't want to be a victim... I want to recognize what hurts me or what I don't like and make a clear choice of not allowing it to hurt. I don't want to be dependent anymore... I want to be in peace with who I am and not duel on who I need to be for someone else.
I have been in many places, many countries, many different cultures and I don't really know if I am right or wrong in my choices... I just know I want to feel I owe my own opinion, my successes, my talents and as well my mistakes, fears... and be OK with myself.
There is a big open wound inside of me and it needs to heal so I can be myself again. I know it is not going to be easy, but I am getting to the conclusion that it's best for me alone.
I have been reading a lot, and reading these posts a lot, and I got to the conclusion that my M ended some time ago and if there is a chance for reconciliation, then it will be a new M, starting over.
I am also looking for my financial independency, I want to go back to college and start somewhere, something I like and can give me an opportunity for a new job, a better pay, maybe a business. Somehow work also define my happiness, it's a big part of who I am and what mood I can get everyday. I like working, it feels good.
That is what I want to change, and I am changing... I will get there, with tears, smiles and everything in between.
