You really have it going on here, seattle. What a fantastic attitude you've developed.
Quote: I was the cold and distant one, emotionally unavailable, would try to convince her of my views when she tried to talk to me about her feelings. I acted like a control freak, had to have my way. I was insensitive to her feelings. I wasn't always this way, but became this way. I am no longer this way, now I am the fantastic H that W fell in love with.
She has unworthiness of love issues, disrespect issues, and abandonment issues. She has a tough time communicating because of fear of rejection. She will go fishing with little bait and expect me to see it and bite. I need to get better at recognizing the bait no matter how small and be open. Her initial response to all things when she feels threatened is to rebel, run away, or say no.
This is how my H and I were too... only genders reversed. I never saw myself that way at all, but I found out he was experiencing me that wayand making lots of assumptions that were way off base. I did do the immediate 180, but a little too much (maybe a 190?) and it wasn't the right time for that, so I wouldn't say you missed an opportunity there. I think you're doing great! Esp. advantageous that you did not do the hysterics. I did, to poor results.
Your C question is one I have wondered about too. I have done IC and my H did it very briefly and recently started again in IC. Wanted no part of MC.
What I see, even in IC, is the negativity Christine mentioned. Lots of dwelling on what was wrong and how awful it felt, not on how to repair it and how good it could feel-- even the pro-M ones. I don't think I'd even consider doing MC with someone who was not solution-oriented and familiar with DB.
Keep up the amazing work and I suspect you won't need MC!
