Have been trying to take care of myself these past few days and figure out where I am. I have concluded that I still do love my WAW very much. I am going to try and keep calling her WAW until she openly acknowledges a desire to reconcile to help me remember the state of mind she is in rght now.
I have also concluded that the negativity I felt and continue to feel at times is more resentment and pain I feel for having to go down this path alone. I take great comfort in the fact I have the knowledge and have been provided with the skills and support here on the BB to continue this great endeavor, the largest one I have ever undertaken. I thank each and every one of you for your support and sharing your words and experiences with me.
Missing My Hubby - You pointed out some truths that helped me clarify what I'm feeling now. Its not that I don't love WAW, its just that I feel hurt and pain when I dwell on her actions and how they effect me and my emotions. So I will make an effort to not let those feelings get to me, not let her actions have control over how I feel, and realize that I have the knowlege to understand all of this and help me deal with it.
RJ - Thanks for your continued support and pep talks, I really need them. It is nice to have someone else's opinions on my sitch because it is too easy to get lost in the process and emotions. It is nice to get "perspective" on it, and you always provide me with a good wake up call. You make a really good point about the dog, it is really close to her heart. I will approach this subject very gently.
Eddy - Thanks for your continued support. I'm thinking you are definitely right on the crying, probably feels both right now and is teetering and confused. I do need to be consistent and strong to open her up even more. This is about her and not so much about who I am now. I just need to continue to show her who I am now. Focus on the present and the future and not so much on the past.
All of this has made me realize a number of things. When I sat down and made a list of Baby Steps I have seen, the list was pretty good. Not as signifcant as I would have hoped for, but I'll take what I can get at this point. I might share them if anyone is interested.
The key to all of this is continuing her feeling of being understood and opening up more. I am going to try and do even more of this. We're planning to meet on Tuesday to talk about US and I'm going to use this opportunity to understand her and validate her. I'm going to ask some questions, but I AM NOT going to try and convince her, ask her to think about anything, or challenge anything she says. Just to UNDERSTAND HER and then give us some time to think.
