asked him to leave, but really want him to stay

[hope4]

Thank you, Zues126, FunDad, and rd500.

rd,I thank God for the baby, while it is hard to look at what we created together, the baby is the reason I don't crawl back in bed every morning.

Zues, interesting to see the other side of it. I agree, I was dismissive and while my H had in the past brought up his "disappointments" in a confrontational way, I never gave them the importance they deserved.

Fundad, thanks for the link.

Sorry in advance if this is too long, but I'd love feedback if he is testing the waters, if I'm grasping, if its too little too late...

Shamefully, it took his announcement for me to atone for my sins. I started doing what I did at the beginning of our relationship- left notes, made sure to ask how his day was - simple things. I even apologized at the dinner table for setting a bad example as a parent on how not to treat someone you love.

He was receptive until he learned I had contacted the OW(she said she would step aside to see what God has planned- What!?) That night was when he told me to never touch him again. The following morning he told me he would never do such a thing to me, if I told him I wanted out and found someone else he would let me go. A tense,short conversation ensued where his final shot at me was "Where have you been for 13 yrs" and my reply was "right here".

Btwn then and now: He stopped wearing his wedding ring and has thrown out any cards, pictures, etc from me. We spoke with our Pastor. We took a family weekend trip in Sept, where upon returning he told me he was interested to see if there was some sort of spark and there wasn't. I replied that months of hurt weren't repaired in a weekend. We went to visit family in Sept, where upon returning I asked and he told me he wished I was the OW, and he hopes OW is waiting for him. In Oct, he contacted my MC to convince me it is over saying he is being mean because any act of civility will make me think there is a chance/hope. In Oct he told me he hates me and doesn't give a damn about my older sons - his step sons; and he doesn't care if the divorce is justified in Gods eyes. In Nov, he started driving places separate from the family. In Nov, he contacted legal counsel but no paperwork has been filed. For Thanksgiving which is always with his family, he asked me to stop by with the baby once they were done eating -I did. Other situations, but you get the idea of the digression.

For a while, I would still say good morning-to which I got no reply or just a grunt; I'd still leave post-it notes, that he would throw away; I'd try to incorporate him in the dinner conversation. Now, I'm merely trying to survive and don't do any of it. I will talk to him when necessary, and still include him in dinner conversations.

Yes, my emotions get in the way, every time.

Still no response regarding him moving out. Do I follow up in a week? Do I move his items to the basement? Change the locks? How forceful should I be?

(sigh-I was never good at chess)