This week has been bumpy. D16 finally started to process everything. For the last 6 months she has been sarcastic and funny but not really experiencing the grief. It has worried me. She is one of those kids that overachieves and is so tough on herself that it is better for me to watch, wait and offer some balance. A couple of days ago the volcano erupted. She came to my room and started to cry and did not stop for 90 minutes. It was heart wrenching but I have to tell you a part of me was relieved. We talked and cried and laughed and spent the entire day just being together. I can't fix this but I can offer stability and love and acceptance.
The other bump is today is H's 50th birthday. I prayed on this and decided to stay dark. Separation Agreement is not going well because H's attorney is playing games. It just wastes time and money. It also escalates negative emotions. All of this swirling about and only 6 months after BD. The truth is we could negotiate things in an hour or two if everyone used common sense. Since common sense is in short supply I think it is best if I stay far from the ring leader.
I've cried twice already. I wasn't married to a ring leader. I married a kind person and now my girls and I are being treated like trash by the side of the road. This monster destroyed our lives and now I am crying because I can't spend his birthday celebrating with him? Maybe I have no common sense? I can't even tell what makes sense anymore. What kind of a future am I going to have if I can't even believe in my own thoughts or have confidence in any decision I make?
M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters BD: 5/14 Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW D Final 9/17
“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.” ― Maya Angelou
