Our house sold. I'm a bit stunned. The realtor called me.
I'm feeling a bit better today. The news about the house set me back a little. I know it will be hard to tell D12.
Met with the nice editor this morning. He set my job fears at ease. He is very supportive. He also, admitted the perfectionist editor seems to be gunning for me a bit. He said, "I don't understand why he holds you to a different standard than he does the reporters that work for him."
I guess, in the long run, it's ok because it will make me a better editor. I think if I reach out the perfectionist editor a bit more, he will back off. He gets frustrated because I'm pretty independent and he likes his people to be remain in their "place."
Anyway, it was validating that I'm not crazy and reassuring that I'm still on the right track.
Today, I'm having a hard time accepting this is how our marriage will end. I can't believe he's made this such an ordeal.
We were all a bundle of nerves last night and I'm pretty sure we each had a meltdown. I'm angry he is putting our kids through more. MORE. It was good, though, after the meltdowns, the girls each expressed some of their frustrations. In the end, I feel like we were a tighter unit.
Doesn't he see this is making the girls hate him more? Even if I was able to hide all the details from them...a tall order given the number of letters in the mail each day...they are still aware that their dad is impacting their Christmas and how I'm having to go to Ohio. No one is happy.
I wonder if he feels satisfied with himself?
Last edited by LoisB; 12/04/1404:39 PM.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Heather, I'm sorry things are still brewing a bit. As for the house, I know you are shocked it sold, but it's one less worry you have to deal w/and one less thing he can hold over your head. Evidently it wasn't in as bad a shape as he described to you if it sold within 2 months after you moved out. This may be one of the things that he'll need you to sign off on when you go there December 15th because your name is on the mortgage, etc.
I'm glad you spoke w/the nice editor today. At least he understands where you are coming from and knows what you are dealing with. As for the perfectionist, maybe you remind him of himself in his "younger" days. Maybe he's resentful that someone on his team didn't get the position and yes, he might have this thing about all of he little soldiers are right where he wants them, i.e., reporting to him every little tidbit that goes along. Whereas, you are very independent and some supervisors don't like that because they feel threatened. Yep, threatened.
Yes, it's difficult to accept that the marriage is just about over and the way that things are being handled doesn't help. MLCers tend to drag the lbs through the mud and then come up w/all sorts of petty stuff to hash out. They do tend to make the divorce more of an ordeal than a normal divorce. I've known people who are in the process of divorcing and they didn't come up w/some of the stuff these crisis people do. So, please do not think that it's only you that has had to deal w/crazy making stuff. Look at Wishing/Hoping. She went through a lot of crazy stuff and now she's doing so much better and life is far better for her now. We all have to walk through the darn weeds in order to get to the flower bed of roses. Your turn is coming and the roses will smell so delightful when you finally get through weed infected lawn.
It's good that all of you had your meltdowns last night and finally expressed the frustrations that all of you are dealing with. You are asking questions that are rational and logical...he's neither of those. He doesn't see that actions he's taking are making a relationship w/the girls more difficult. All he sees is that he's pushing hard to get this divorce over with and yes, wants to ensure that no one touches his money. Is he sastisfied w/himself? The answer is no. Why? Because if he were, he would cease some of this petty stuff. He's angry, resentful that you've accomplished moving and got a good job, and the bottom line...he's miserable. He thought you were weak and not capable of making some solid decisions on your own. Quite frankly, you shocked him with the move and the job. Don't allow him to take you back down in the rabbit hole.
Go to the hearing, hold your head up high, back straight and wear a nice outfit. Put your business attire on because this is now a business deal that needs to be completed so that you and your girls will not have to look over your shoulders and wonder when the next shoe will drop. Leave the emotions outside the court room. Cry in private after the hearing, but don't let him see you sweat. Heather, I know you can do this.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yay - the house is sold! If there's any profit at all, Smokey is probably trying to maneuver to keep that for himself because of the work he put into fixing it up, hence his sticking on the issue of his tools - he probably wants to use that as leverage to keep the profit. That's ok, you can let go of that if he'll give you the support and your share of the retirement. And then there's really nothing else to discuss.
Stick to the business end of all this. This is not personal. This has nothing to do with the relationship at this point. This is all just about how to resolve the financials.
Look at it this way, Heather. Santa is throwing you gold coins via the house sale proceeds, child support, retirement, and spousal support. Grab 'em or lose 'em!!
The house will, actually, break even. If feels good that I forced him to handle this part of the process. I'm glad the house is a done deal. Sad, but relieved.
I just wish I could understand it a little better. The why? Why put us through all this? Why? Why more?
Oh, I did uncover the contempt agenda. I guess he thinks I sold stuff AFTER I filed. But, this is impossible because we had left 48 hours later. There were some people who showed up at the house and moved stuff out after we left. I GAVE them all that stuff. I allowed my best friend and a few others go through the items. My best friend had a key.
I'm not sure, honestly, how they left the house. It would be very unlike my friend to leave things in dissarray.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
I kinda feel this will end up being a sorta stupid misunderstanding where he feels that I made a bunch of money and people were allowed to rifle through his things. It wasn't that way at all. Maybe, somewhat, after we left, but, by that point, we had separated the things which meant something to him.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Can I use journal entries from this post to back up my claims? I mean, they will be asking me questions on how I remember things...these entries are dated and posted on certain days so it would be my POV for this particular day, along with some facts.
I know that they will want some things backed up by receipts and witnesses, but won't my journal entries have some weight too?
I really can't wrap my head around Smokey putting himself in a position to face all these people who I could bring forward as witnesses. I'm a bit surprised HE is willing to put himself out there like this when he could quietly make a deal. Is he that convinced he is in the right? Are his parents?
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
You will get your opportunity to state exactly what happened with the stuff. Your friend should be able to tell you what was taken after you left since she had a key. He could very well think you sold his things and made a profit...but I'm thinking the say way as others...he may want to settle up the difference between the cost of his tools and what you will get in spousal support or his retirement. If the tools were used, he can't claim what they actually cost when purchased.
You'll know more at the hearing. Take your journals with you.
