asked him to leave, but really want him to stay

[Zues126]

My advice would be not to make life long decisions out of emotions.

Personally I don't believe your H is really ready to be divorced. I say that because my STBX could've said many of the same things about me that you have said about your H. Yet in the end not only did I not leave her, I am here on DB forums.

So while he is having an EA or whatever, and making lofty statements, I don't believe he really wants the M over.

What I wanted when I acted that way was to be heard. I know I felt that my STBX was very dismissive. I felt like she neglected me for years and ignored me when I tried to communicate. Finally I felt the only way to be heard was to scream in a way she could hear. I did some of the same things. Then she and her family and friends decided I was a bad man and she needed to protect herself from me.

FWIW I regret the decisions I made and wouldn't do it again. But be careful. You must certainly protect yourself from abuse, cannot succumb to controlling behavior, etc. At the same time, if he hasn't always acted this way it might not have to be over. So I'd say slow things down, believe none of what he says and half of what he does, get support from loved ones that say more than 'dump this dud', and get a DB coach.

Ill stop there for now but want to bump this for the vets as well.