Jim0987 #6 - starting a bit of a rebuild

[edz]

Hi Jim

thought I'd pop by and see how its going, looks like I picked an, ahem, interesting time to drop by!

I'd agree with (well at least some ) of the above that you need to make sure you have things to do when there's no one else about. Over the past few months (with the exception of a gazillion things to do for the house) I've

* driven somewhere new just to get out in the car
* swum around half the way to the USA
* taken up baking (badly - but watch the waistline or
swim more!)
* Gone to see my dad - which is also a drive - but has ended up
in us having a better relationship (although I have to watch
talking too much about M)
* Gone to resteraunts and taken my Kindle
* Gone to go to the movies (mostly failed and ended up in said
resteraunts)
* Gone to local bars (try to avoid drinking too much though can
end in bad decisions with email/text/call)
* Walked around the local gardens
* Gone out and window shopped (for stuff not women - know you
lot on here are naughty now!)

Definitely goes double for "trouble" days, if W insists on having S christmas eve and day I'll be going to my dads and kipping on the couch / spending christmas morning there and then driving back after lunch - means I cant drink but its better than drinking too much I imagine

I think you'll find some things are a lot better when you get the place to yourself although I wont tell you it wont be bad sometimes too especially if you're by yourself. Maybe you can redecorate or at least rejig the space to make it Jims now and reduce any ghosts before they gang up on you?

Those times either get out and about - or ideally plan to do so in advance - have someone over and chat/play video games/play scrabble! or otherwise fill the time.

I thought about the whole ignore the day thing for Christmas, personally I'm not sure its doable given the saturation and that I'm guessing, like me, you'll decorate for the kids. I feel as Christmassy as, well, a very unChristmassy thing but I'll still get a tree, wrap his presents etc I dont doubt i'll also have a man-cry at some point but that's all part of it. Hopefully you can start building new traditions with the kids beforehand same as me. I look upon those as things that are for S and I and if W comes back at some point, we'll merge them in with the other ones.

As to the ASP, I've been told I have aspects of that behaviour but as was said above I've written other behaviour into my "muscle memory" I still need the down-time (although I've had enough time alone to last me a good few years recently) but you can get it right. As Vanilla said to me in my post its a case of getting yourself in the right environment hence I'm off to a christmas doo on the 18th - normally I'd rail against it but this year I'll do it for my sanity and I'll set out to enjoy it not survive it.

Cheers all

Edz