Kimmerz, Some of them are like the way your xh is. He may be like this for the rest of his life...but no one knows for sure. He's angry that she can't be bought or fooled by his "gracious" behavior. MLCers and Narcs are like that. They are all full of love and attention and want to put on the show for those who will admire them for this behavior, i.e. lavishing that one child w/everything. When a MLCer and a Narc realizes that a person will not be fooled by the mask of goodness, they toss them aside. You might want to do some reading on the NPD. He sure sounds like he's got a touch of it, which was probably brought out to play while he's in crisis.
Your D15 is handling the situation well. She's been aware of him and his behavior all along. She's smart and she knows exactly what he is doing. Does it hurt her? To some degree, but she also is very much aware that one day D12 is going to figure it out and she will be hurt deeply because she no longer will be his little princess.....unless, of course, she continues to play the game of providing kibbles of attention and affirmation to him.
I can understand how you feel, as a mother, but there's nothing you can do about what he's doing. You are doing everything right by allowing your daughter a safe haven to come talk to you if she needs to. I hate to see this type of behavior going on, but in crisis, they generally select the one that is the easiest to fool and w/his NPD traits, it's even more evident.
It's frustrating, but you've got to accept him for who he is today, i.e., a selfish, self centered @sshole who wants only what he wants and that is attention and affirmation from those around him. He's not worried about who he hurts or the damage he's created. Unfortunately, he either will wake up and try to mend the fences or he won't, but that is on him to do.
