I just don't know. I don't want to push him away by acknowledging the day to him... ::sigh::
Not loving this part.
I'm noticing a trend with my mindset.
I get low, sad and resentful. I slowly work my way up to a PMA, feel strong and secure. Feel good, like I will survive no matter what happens. Then I start to believe H would be a complete fool to divorce me and begin to assume he's coming home and daydream accordingly.
I live like this for a few weeks... Then I get tiny little signs (or I over think these signs) from H that indicates he's not doing the work and is never coming back to me, that he's rolling around in his anger, unable to work through it, etc., and is feeling like the only way to find relief from all that is to divorce me.
Then I think about that, remind myself that 'I'm already dead', try to find my PMA despite what I feel my fate to be and it's inevitable that I get low again.
Rinse and repeat.
Ugh.
Btw, Christmas carols alone in the car and then coming home to a completely empty house during the holidays? Not fun. Not fun at all.
