Well, I want to talk about my sitch, but I just don't know what to say. I've entered a plateau in terms of interactions with my W. She moved out in September, I see her one minute per 2 weeks, it's been over a month I've known for sure for OM (suspected since the beginning), I've learnt last week that he's planning to move in with her in January. It looks like they'll be making it real. I'm fine with it: it will be a make or break for their R.
The only pending thing is: What do I do with her random emails? Right now, I respond to them because I want to be a positive presence in her life, something that will slowly replace the memory of our M that she took when she left. She seeks my presence through these emails, and I never initiate. I was too aloof during our R, so I make the effort (easy, now!) to be responsive.
I also have a good idea of what happened, what lead to BD. On my end, I was too critical of my W and she felt uncomfortable and undervalued around me. She voiced that several times to me and I failed to change. As for her, she openly dreams of everlasting romantic love that the daily grind can't deliver. My analysis isn't over, but it has matured in the last couple of months and I feel less urge to explore the reasons, the causes of my S.
I guess it's time to focus on myself. I've been fairly good at it so far. I see an IC ever since she used the S word, before the BD, and I find it helpful (though slow). I read books like T5LL and DR. I GAL a lot: I see a lot of friends, I accept every invitation, I took a cooking class, I started working out, I learn to cook new stuff, I'm a single dad every second week, etc. Maybe I need some more down time to think about what I want for myself. I don't even know where to start with this question.
My challenge is detaching. My moods are still pegged to my W's every (perceived) move. I feel I'm getting better over time though, but not all that much. I guess less than 3 months, with all the shocks, is still a short time.
Thoughts welcome...
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
