on not getting "stuck"

[forward]

BF,
If you're separated and living apart and have minimal contact, you can't really stay stuck, I don't think. All that time to yourself changes your life and you wind up making changes whether you want to or not. Couples that conflict have to have contact, after all. If you don't have contact, you have to find a way to deal with the day to day life. Make sure to follow DB advice and find little ways to cheer yourself up and be nice to yourself. You will have your own rhythm and you may be surprised to see that the person your H is is nott he kind of person you want to be with any more after all.

So as I see people enmeshed with their former spouses, I am not sure what to think or why some people stay stuck. I do not know why or how things worked out for me that I do not feel that way. C did help. Also, I can say that I understand feeling stuck, as it took a while for me to not feel that way. I guess I'd say that I tried to have some fun. I did things I normally wouldn't have done. and frankly, I just got to be me, which felt pretty good after years of being too codependent.

I also think that C is useful, if for no other reason than to deal with depression. I read a LOT of self-help books. That is just me but I found they lifted my spirits and gave me a lot to think about. Also, if you go to library they are free. DB, of course, is one to consider but if you are 2 years into this, it might be time to read some other selfhelp materials, too. Be indulgent with your self-examination, I believe!

I spent a long time reading and writing and just being with myself (as one could see by my old threads). I wasn't really lonely; no time! When I met New Husband, I found he, too, had done a great deal of reading, writing, and thinking. It put me in a position to see things differently. I actually had a dream that X wanted me back--but it was the same halfway, not that interested in me sort of mumble, and in the dream it was like, uh, no. I also was interested in someone who only acted sort of interested in me, and I quit pursuing fairly quickly since I realized I could not deal with half-heartedness.


BH, nice to see you here, too. I pop in every once in a while to see if anyone's stories are updated. You may be right, that LBS often has a hard time. To be honest, I am not sure how I wound up in a much better place but I am. Some of it is luck, I think, and some of it is making your own luck. However, even if I were alone I'd be OK. Maybe it's because I am an introverted person.

I can say that I do feel sorry for X, but do not feel obligated by that. When you find out that your former spouse's days are likely to be numbered, it changes the way you think. I am still disappointed in him at times, but since I don't live with him of course, he doesn't have much of a chance to get on my nerves. It has helped that he seems concerned about D and pays attention to her now.

I am finding that blending families is likely to be the biggest emotional challenge of my life, but I am so happy to have NH's girls in my life. I try to let them know that, too. We feel like a family. And I would include X. I have helped him with doctor appts and some other things, but don't get involved beyond that.

I admit that I am not sure I'd feel this way if X had a GF and I was on my own.

Also, although it would still be good to get some kind of apology (I just had a half-hearted one), I just accept that I won't.