Sorry to hear about your Sister. You said lack of support from your H has been very hurtful. I assume you are talking about lack of support regarding the loss of your sister. Have you spoken to him about how much that hurts? Maybe he does not realise this. Sometimes people who are not verbal or not very expressive just do not know how to provide comfort to another who is grieving. Do you think your H is like that?
About your SSM, you asked yourself these questions.
Quote:
1) Should I continue to try to accept a SSM for my own peace of mind? 2) Should I not accept and if not - what to do to try to get him to realize how serious this is? 3) Leave?
Firstly, perhaps this is not the time for you to address this issue since you are still feeling down from your recent loss. As you know, talking about this subject can be very sensitive indeed. I think perhaps you need to ask yourself a few other questions before you decide on how you should tackle this problem. Questions such as:
1) How important do you view sex and intimacy in your M? 2) If you lived in a sexless world or rather if you removed sex from the equation, how would you rate your M and communication with your H in a scale of 1 - 10? Often, we are so "obsessed" with our almost painful physical need to be close to the person we love that we tend to "blow the issue out of proportion" turning what is essentially a good M into an unhappy one. We let the SSM issue seep into other once happy areas and everything takes a downward spiral. If you have a good M overall and a good R with your H (in all other aspects) then do handle the SSM issue with great sensitivity, patience and care. Don't let it become a poison in your M. I have in the past, not communicated very well on H on this issue and now its like a dark cloud hanging over our heads. It becomes even harder to overcome IMO. 3. Can you live with the acceptance that things may not change and if you can't are you ready to leave? If this is the option for you, then you have to communicate to your H about it too, ie the seriousness of the matter, the timeframe you are giving yourselves for change and be ready to walk if things don't change or you shall always feel resentful and something lacking in your life. 4. Is SSM the only issue or is there any other areas you feel that you and your H need to work on? If so, then you may need to work on the other areas first?
I'm a bit busy now so can't help you out that much but do a bit of soul searching. It may help to see things without the "no-sex tainted glasses" we all have on. By the way, do you have any children, how old are you and H and a little more history will help others here who are most supportive to analyse your sitch better.
