Inside my chrysalis 9

[Shining]

Ss,

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. I hope the testing provides some direction. Years ago, it absolutely saved me.

I have 4 kids. Twin boys, another son two years younger, and D 2.5 years younger.....

For many years, few people even knew I had the middle son. I couldn't take him anywhere.

It was exhausting. His energy, his ability to wear people down.... It was nuts.

He was tested for everything, and received a diagnosis at the age of 7. For him, it was the turning point.

Through the testing, we learned his IQ is 2 points from the category of "genius."

Sooooo....

Since we have an inappropriate and twisted sense of humor in our house...now that he's 16, I often (jokingly) hold that against him.

"Well, S16, how would you know? You're no genius..........I have proof!"

Typically my comments are followed by a loving , yet condescending eye-roll....

He is an awesome kid. But mmmmmaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn, those early days??? He wore my a$$ out!!!!

((((((Hugs))))))

[Ss06]

I'm hopeful the testing will get us somewhere but I'm concerned it won't get us anywhere fast or without serious fighting with the school. We'll see, I guess. One thing at a time.

[labug]

Ss, here's something I've found, if you don't get an answer keep digging. My sons diagnosis isn't rare (2-3% in children) but there's a lot of misunderstanding even in the community that treats it.

This is the time Mama Bear with DB skills needs to come out.

((( )))

[Ss06]

Labug, I know you're right. I'm exhausted from this battle and it hasn't really started yet.

I'm feeling warn out lately. I'm just go-go-go all the time these days and I don't have one single second for me. I wish someone were around to take care of me, to look after me. I feel like I look after others all day and I sure could use a good hug, someone to listen, help, give.

I think it's pretty obvious my love language is acts of service and man, I could use help.

D is a huge handful and the trouble she causes is really taking it's toll on me. I wish I just took it all in stride but I don't. I don't work until late tomorrow so I'm making some phone calls so I can feel productive in this department. I'm at the end of my rope with this and I need guidance and help from a professional. Not just someone I pay $200/hr to who sits across from me nodding and saying, "yes, it must be hard". I need answers!!!!

My house is a wreck and it makes me out of sorts; I've barely had a minute to eat a meal let alone meditate.

I need some time off from doing and being and thinking 24/7. I'm exhausted.

[Lorelai]

Not sure if it's in the budget (it's barely in the budget for us) but have you thought about bringing in extra help around the house. I'm planning to set aside money each month to have someone come and clean the house either monthly or biweekly depending on what I end up needing. I figure if my husband can save up money to find an apartment or whatever he decides to do, I can put money aside to make mine and my children's lives easier and less stressful, plus it will allow me to focus more on them and their needs. It's a win-win and well worth it, I think.

[Ss06]

Ok, I've been avoiding this but our anniversary is coming up on Saturday. I'll be seeing H for a kids birthday party. How awkward. He won't recognize the day at all. I'm inclined to just let it fly by unnoticed. Is that a bad idea?

What's the DB protocol?

[Calibri]

Ss,

If your husband were to realize the day (which he might, you never know) - given your stitch what would you like to hear?

On our anniversary, I would've loved to have heard, "I know things are really rough right now/we're in a weird place, but I don't regret marrying you." "Or, despite it all -- today is still worth remembering."

What I got instead was a far, far FAR cry from that. Harumph.

You could not say anything. Or you could use the opportunity to say something....(how helpful of me, I know!)


I guess the more important question is -- given your journey -- what are you comfortable conveying to your husband that matches where you are?

[Card29]

Ss, if you don't expect H to acknowledge it, I don't see how it would be a good idea for you to bring it up. You know in your gut what the right thing to do is, though. Do you have any techniques to clear your head and make a level decision on an important topic?

[Ss06]

I don't jnow, calibri, I'd love to hear those things from him but I'm worried my saying them is one sided and pursuing. I just don't know.

Card, I'm going to mull it over and give it some space. Usually the right answer presents itself but I may have begun too late.

[jim0987]

My anniversary went by recently and neither of us even acknowledged it to the other. Its difficult to know whether that was the right thing to do but in the end i thought about what i wanted to say and posted that here because it was touching but definitely in the pursuing/beg/plead camp. I doubt anyone would have advised me to say those things though i still wish i had.

If i wasnt going to say that then i couldnt really say a more simple happy anniversay because she had already been pretty clear what she thought of the M.

i then felt like i wanted to vent my anger a bit but again that wouldnt have done any good

so in the end i felt my options were
Postive = pursuing = bad choice
neutral = false = bad choice
negative = negative = bad choice
nothing = nothing except in WAS head = nothing

so for me 'nothing' was better than a bad choice.

still felt rubbish though