Hi, it isnt surprising at all that you feel the way you do. But good that your H has ended the A and is trying to repair things.

Have you read DR? There is a useful section in the infidelity chapter on how to help the LBS recover. Might be helpful to review what you are doing against that.

Have you considered MC at all? Do you feel you are communicating well with each other about what has happened? Is your H willing to do whatever it takes to help you both move on from this?

I would be compassionate with yourself though. It is absolutely normal to feel the way you feel. Infidelity cuts to the very heart of the foundations of a M and you won't recover overnight. But the good news is that around 70% of Ms do survive infidelity...

Best of luck with things :-)

T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus