Don't be scared. Push on your attorney. Either he is just out of school or a fool. I am not sure which. I actually don't see much going smokies way. I think his attorney is just pushing his weight around trying to make you blink first.
The motion of contempt is strictly a scare tactic. The tools were smokies responsibility, not yours. He had every opportunity to remove or protect them. The court will ask if you prevented him from retrieving his tools. Unless he lies, its his problem if they disappeared. Your lawyer should be pointing this out to his lawyer and suggesting he drop it or look foolish in court.
Rockies counter claim does change things a bit. You need now to go forward. Just be ready, be strong. If your attorney does not preform well for you in court then consider getting a new one.
The way the court thing will go is as follows. You will show up, your lawyer will show up, smokie and his attorney will show up. The lawyers will get together in a lounge, bullshit a bit and then depending on who blinks first your lawyer will come out to present to you or his lawyer will come out to present to him. Your lawyer should be prepared with your demands and understand you will accept nothing less. Reject anything he comes back with till you are comfortable. I would demand the following as temporary orders,
1) Full child support. 2) Premium payments for medical insurance for daughter. 3) Half of all copays for medical / dental for daughter. 4) At least $100.00 per week spousal support for half the years you were married. 5) Day care support for your daughter. 6) At least $1000.00 for a new washer and dryer as you need one to keep you daughters clothes and bedding clean. 7) Half of all payments for extracurricular activities for you daughter. 8) Help with expenses for any family pet that you had during the marriage and are still taking care of now.
Those are the minimum for this court session. Force your attorney to go for this.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
I would not expect any witnesses to be allowed unless your attorney is notified in advance. You are getting yourself worked up and making a mountain out of an ant hill. I did the same my first time. I realized afterwards 2 things,
1) my lawyer was a dud 2) I had way over thought what was going to happen.
Most of the time in the court house will be spent between your lawyer and his. When you actually go into the court room it will be you, smokie and your two attorneys standing there the judge will look over the papers presented, ask a few questions that you have both read and agree to what has been presented. and that will be it, about 10 minutes at most. I don't believe this is a full court hearing at this point. It will be to see where you two are in the divorce process and to try and move it along if required. It will be a lot of smoke and mirrors. Just demand what is right and a little bit as I outlined above. the jockeying will be between the two lawyers. If you don't agree with what your lawyer presents to you then refuse to go along with it. Don't be afraid to tell the judge if you don't agree.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
Heather, Stop thinking that way! The battle is on and you can't go in feeling defeated before you even get to court. Your lawyer shouldn't be scared at all because he sees this stuff each and every day. Having witnesses come forward is nothing new in some divorce cases. You have your oldest daughter, neighbors and homeschooling parents that can vouch for you and if absolutely necessary your mother and father. You are not the one who walked away and left your children. You are the one that scrimped and fretted over how you were going to pay your bills. You are the one that was left w/it all to deal with. Bottom line, you need to get angry and I mean good and angry...you are not a victim. You are a survivor who has done nothing but try to hold it together while he left and lived the good life for almost 2 years.
As for the tools, how can he file a contempt? You weren't divorced and certainly not legally separated. The tools were marital property from where I'm sitting, since they were purchased during the marriage. What about what he did w/his retirement when he left his old job? Didn't he take a trip and drop $3,000 down to pay off his truck? He did all of that after he left. He left, he established a new residence, he had a new bank account and new address...he had ample time to get his tools within the 2 year time frame. This will all need to be revealed, but a contempt charge? You weren't given any kind of legal notice of what he wanted or what not to do. Look up contempt and you will see that you've not been disrespectful in a court of law, you have not disobeyed any order or law that has been presented to you, etc. So, that to me, is a scare tactic. It's bs. Your lawyer should know this.
Contact your friends and family now and get them on board to go to court w/you. You do not want to go there by yourself. You will need support in your corner. My first meeting at the court house, I was not advised that my xh as going to bring a witness. I was told by my attorney to have someone present who could validate some info for me. Because this is a preliminary hearing, the lawyers may not be obligated to notify each other of potential witnesses being present at this time. (Not trying to dispute what Life Twists indicated, just in my state it's not necessary unless there is a trial taking place.)
It's going to be okay. It's time to get this settled and if December 15th is the date to do it, then so be it. At least this part of the process will have been completed and you'll know what will be expected of not only you, but him as well.
4) At least $100.00 per week spousal support for half the years you were married.
Spousal support will probably be by formula, and since your income is not that much lower than Smokies now, may not turn out to be this high.
As for Smokies witnesses - what exactly could they testify to that would hurt you? They don't have any information about what happened to the tools. They can say that you believe D13 has Asperger's and you home schooled her - so what? They could testify that you left the house in a mess - so what? You were left to totally care for kids and home and needed to move for a job. If the house wasn't maintained he's equally at fault for not providing adequate support. You document the things you did fix and maintain. If he subtracts his cost of cleaning the house from any potential profit from the sale, so what?
I get that you're scared, but I don't really see what exactly you are scared of. He won't win custody. He'll have to pay child support by formula. He'll have to share marital assets. You can show that he spent money on his girlfriend.
He may want the house - give it to him. He won't want to share his pension - tough. He won't want to pay spousal support - you may or may not get any depending on the judge. There's just not really that much here to fight over.
kml is correct...the only thing that witnesses can attest to is that he hasn't been living under the same roof w/you for two years. They can attest to how the house was left, but as for the tools...they didn't see them prior to or after his departure and if I recall, they've not been to your home in many years. Don't let this scare you.
You've got a lot going in our favor and that's why they are acting this way. They know they truly don't have a leg to stand on when it comes to child support and his portion of the retirement. The house is a wash. There's nothing else to truly quibble over. If it gets to a point of what you've spent, you can point out that you've had to borrow money from both your mother and father to get you over the hump w/the girls financially and provide a place for them to live. That's not a lie as our mother did put the rental deposit on her charge card (or did she pay up front). It's all about using scare tactics.
Stick to the facts, be honest and look the judge in the eye. Don't even look over at the scoundrel that made your life a living h@ll the last two years. If he speaks, say hello and keep moving on. Do not engage in any conversations w/him, his lawyer or witnesses, if they show up. Allow your attorney to do the work for you unless you are asked a specific question by the judge.
You are scared because this is something you've never done before. I get it...but it's a necessary step in order to move forward w/the divorce. Once things are settled in this hearing, you'll know more about what to expect and when the next possible date is for a hearing about the divorce.
You are a survivor, not a victim. Don't allow your fear to take you down. You are going to be okay. You've got a lot of info/documentation that will support your claims. Be strong and do not doubt yourself. You may not get all that you've requested, but you'll get something out of the requests. We are all here for you.
I think what KML, Job, and i are trying to tell you is that this hearing will be much ado about nothing. There will be lots of posturing. Just be honest, be yourself and be confident. Don't cry, don't engage him in any conversation. When it is over, you will say to yourself," Is that it?" You will do fine as long as you don't let them control your emotions.
Twisting on Life's Rope Me53 W53 M20 D21 D19 D16 BD 2-2013 D final 1-2015 _________________________ "Dream about tomorrow, Live for today, Learn from yesterday"
I begged my atty to focus on the child support first. IN AN ENTIRE YEAR, THIS ATTY HAS NOT GOTTEN A STEADY CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT. THIS AIN'T THE ATTY FOR ME.
I agree. This attorney isn't for you. It looks as if you are going to waste a lot of money for little reward. Your attorney is an amateur up against a PROFESSIONAL.. He is in over his head.
You keep saying your #1 Goal is to Put God's will first and to trust God.
If you really mean that then the question is..... What do you think God's will is in this? What is God telling you? Are you too busy talking and not listening to him?
Do you realize that when you put God first and listen to his small still voice that he will lead you in the correct path? When you follow what that small still voice tells you is the correct path do you realize that he promises that he will give you PEACE.. The peace of God... Isn't your heart just crying out for peace? Lord give me peace?
Have you considered that you don't have peace from God in this issue because maybe God is nudging you to do what you have been saying for the last few weeks in your heart, but yet won't pull the trigger?
Which seems to be this....
Quote:
THIS AIN'T THE ATTY FOR ME.[/
If he was the right attorney for you, don't you think that if you were following God's will that God would give you peace and assurance that you were on the right path?
The key here is to find out if this is what God is telling you. Get in tune with God. Ask him to show you and give you.
Most times when we are not doing God's will, we don't have the "peace of God".... It's amazing when we finally do surrender to his will, that suddenly we have his peace...
I believe you seem in constant turmoil because you keep losing track of what you say is your number 1 goal... "Put God's Will First and Trust God.... God wants us to be at peace. The strong silent peace deep within that only he can give in times of trouble...... You don't seem to have that peace...
Seek him and you will find him... "The peace of God that surpasses all understanding."
None of us here can give you peace of mind. Only God can do that. And he WILL if you seek him with all of your heart mind and soul.... "All is well with my soul"
