There is no hard and set rule about what to do. Ever. The DB premise is based on "do more of what works and less of what doesn't". No matter what the end game is, you all benefit by interacting as a family. Right? And if your H is one of those people who needs to see if you will walk the talk, then just maybe this is a test. For example, my XH is definitely in that camp. Most of the time, I didn't know he was putting me to the test. He wanted to see if having a R with me was even possible, and his litmus strip was how well or poorly I treated him in any given situation.
I know it's kind of galling when you think it's THEM that did the leaving and disrupting. But the flip side is that because they are the ones that leave, they are the ones who need to believe that things could be different if they were to return. So go into it with the sense that he will come home and want to work with you, and what you do now must be done anyway, so why not practice humility and kindness toward the father of your children now?
Of course, there are no guarantees that if you pass the test that they will come home. They tend to move the bar anyway. But know it's not in vain, because your children will see the efforts and they *will* make a difference to them. It's all good.
So remember everyone: do more of what works and less of what doesn't. That's why everyone's situations are all so unique.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
