DB,

"OK...I'm willing to bet that you had poor self-image and poor self-esteem issues BEFORE you met H, right? So there's some baggage her that is at work. But there's still somethings that you can do to help him out..."
Well somewhat. My self esteem issues are very mild and compared to most women, nonexistent. They DO exist, as I'm willing to bet they do for all women, but not to the extent that you would guess. I have always gotten a lot of male attention based on my looks. I am an attractive person and physically fit. I am also tall with big boobs. So I have never doubted my attractiveness to MEN. Heck, two months ago a stranger in a bar offered me two thousand dollars to crawl across a bed in a thong. LOLOL! (there's that damn thong again..)
I do, however, doubt my attractiveness to my husband and my seeming inability to get his engine revved has made me self conscious in front of HIM.

"I know that this is exactly how my WAW felt/feels. You took it personal...when the big obstacle is him...not you. He's the one missing out, right?"
Not really. We are BOTH missing out. Only he is missing out with his self esteem intact and I am not.

"give him what he wants then tell him what you want...then sit back and watch what happens."
Well I do give him what he wants, and I honestly believe this is 99% of the problem. There is no motivation for him to give me what I want--he is happy as can be and it doesn't occur to him! The only catalyst for him to remember to meet my needs is my anger.


"your H is not your clone. Not all people or all men or all women get turned on by the same things. They make all kinds because there are all kinds. Find out what DOES turn him on...and give that to him. Then tell him what turns YOU on...and if he's a smart guy....he'll give it back to you."

Oh, I am well aware that he is not my clone. My point was that, if he wants us to have a mutually satisfying relationship, then he will give me what I want occasionally. He is currently NOT acting like a smart man. He takes what he finds sexy and then protests at what I want, saying that he is not "that type" of guy. Or he says he will do it and then doesn't follow through. Or he does it and then doesn't want sex. Or.....is any of this sounding familiar to you?? (gosh I hope not)

I really appreciate you writing out all the things that would turn you on. I will try this. Who knows, maybe he is turned on by words and not action! I wrote in another thread that his body seems to control so much of his horniness that my BIGGEST fear is that, unless his body is already horny, these phrases (or anything else I do) will have no effect. Which leaves me completely at his mercy for the timing, which I hate! I want to have some say on what day and at what time we have sex. Right now, I take whatever is offered whether I am horny or not (which I usually am! ) but it would be nice to have an opportunity to turn him on and have my way w/ him.

Thanks for the tips and you can bet that I'll be giving you some feedback on them!

Honey