asked him to leave, but really want him to stay

[hope4]

Sorry, didn't post this in the right forum the first time - hope i didn't duplicate.

I informed my H that if he wanted a D, then we should not renew our lease together in 2wks. Now, today, Im a sobbing mess. I want him here, but it hurts too much to have him here. Previously, he said if he leaves, he is never coming back. Did I screw up the method somehow?

Back story...I originally chalked this up to a MLC. Our marriage suffered for the last year from emotional separation, lack of intimacy. He told me 4m ago he wanted to divorce - (while I was 8m pregnant). I had an affair long ago, and he has started an EA which he claims he can do because he claims he started pursuing her 4d after he told me he wanted out(he originally met her 2y ago). The past 4m have been full of passive aggressive cruelty from him and I don't want our boys learning that it is OK to treat women like a doormat. I have tried GAL - it is so hard with a new baby, new job, and holidays.

He stated 4m ago he wanted the D before the baby was born; now he wants us to go in mutually and waive the separation period. I just need him away for my own healing, it hurts to have him sleep next to me and flinch if I even brush up against him during sleep.

What is the next step? Waiting?
I'm already praying day and night