So – after ruminating on Ahoy’s thread about whether our WASs are the people we thought they were, I realized that one of the reasons I was upset by D6’s announcement of her Dad’s Christmas plans was the fact that they were going to OW’s friends. Throughout our marriage STBX, insisted that he was an anti-social introvert. Now, I figured out pretty quickly that this wasn’t really true. STBX is in fact an extrovert and likes socializing with lots of friends. When we lived in Iowa and he watched the girls during the week, he would go from house to house visiting people from work. I was never invited into this world (and didn’t really expect to be since I was at work). I got used to strangers coming up to me in the grocery store who clearly knew my daughters.
I really am an introvert. Being at a party with a bunch of people I don’t know is very uncomfortable for me. I’m totally happy with being an introvert and don’t aspire to be anything else- it’s who I am. I have a small group of close friends that I do add to from time to time, and my friendships last through time. I’ve learned to navigate effectively through social situations at work. And for the record, if STBX had at any time claimed it was important to him, I would have met him halfway and extended myself.
After BD, when I was trying to find out where he lived, I asked him to provide me with the bare basics of where he was living so that I would know where my girls were – Address, roommates, friends who frequent the house, etc. He responded that he had no friends. But of course since then, the little glimpses I have into his life all reference friends: he can’t take D6 to dinner because he promised to help a friend, he took girls to ride horses at a friend’s house, now they are going to a friend’s Christmas party, etc.etc.
And I realized that I was upset because it activated some insecurity in me that what STBX really wants is the popular girl who can expedite social situations for him. And I of course will never be that and never was. I guess it feels like an explicit rejection of an important part of me. One of the things that I loved about STBX is that I always thought he liked this about me
