And hey, DBers! It's a new month, and therefore a new mention from GUBU that "We'll talk this weekend."
What a surprise! Four mentions in exactly four months, and so far---ZIP.
GUBU is back!
Last night he dumped most of his chores on me--I just let it go--and then started up again with the snarky texts last night. -----------------------------------------------------------
I sent him a text (initiated) and said how it's going to be a "fun" night because we were "having an ice storm." He KNOWS this means--no electricity/power, staying awake stoking the wood stove all night, no water to flush the toilet or water the animals (the well pump shuts off), slipping on the ice and falling down in the yard carrying wood and decrepit old dogs... the usual.
He counters with "Better than working. GN."
Mindreading, maybe, but I definitely took that to mean that I shouldn't "complain" about being up here in an ice storm with no power and no water because it's nothing compared to his working every day and---here's the kicker--it's MY OWN FAULT I'M HAVING A HARD TIME OF IT BECAUSE I THREW HIM OUT. So he's the victim again.
Yes, I realize I am reading WAY too much into this, but I know him pretty well.
So I just sent back "What?"
He replies:"GN" (Shutting it down with "goodnight")
So I wait---my heart is pounding and I'm pissed off. Then I remind myself that this guy is a d*ck and my life is going to be great and if he doesn't want to be in it, that's fine. Who the heck wants a jerk like this? Someone who wants me to continue to pay for his actions and frankly seems to have no empathy for me whatsoever. He's so focused on himself.
I've had enough of that nonsense.
Then H:"Sorry just in a state. We'll talk this weekend....reading and sleeping..."
I couldn't resist a truth dart: "Yeah, it's a friggin party under this bus, in case you were confused about that."
(Sorry DBers, but sometimes I'm just not gonna lie down and take it.)
Me: "Should I ask what you are reading?"
H:"Why does it matter" "I don't want to keep texting... I want to read and sleep..."
Me: "You only mentioned it...like five times, is all." "Figured it was something more than People Magazine."
----crickets from him, then--------
H:"That's cute: (snarky or no?) "Bill Bryson...A Walk In the Woods... "Sorry I roiled the waters. Goodnight."
(Not "GN". I hate that. Like he can't be bothered to put in the extra letters? I know he knows this irritates me. He has SAID he knows I "don't like it" when he says "K". It's rude. Sorry, it is 90% of the time.)
Me:"Hey, don't knock 'People'! It's got the scoop on Kim Kardashian's butt implants. Very entertaining!"
And that was the end of that. -----------------------------------------------------------------------
Personally, I was disappointed that he wasn't reading "No More Mr. Nice Guy" or "Co-Dependent No More".
But after some thought I realized that the act of reading, instead of... let's say... viewing porn or chatting up the cyberladies on his dating sites (!), well, that could be a very good thing.
And it's a book I might enjoy reading. So good for him.
So if I could POSSIBLY read any more into his few words and actions I'd say:
He's feeling put out by my throwing him out, thus his ongoing anger at me and his blatant lack of helping me other than the bare minimum. He even got angry when, after I asked for his help and he wouldn't give it, that I hired Farm Boy Toy to help out. But not before suggesting that the solution for my difficulty handling all the chores on my own was for me JUST TO LEAVE. (Or probably, invite him back, but he didn't say that. He just got really nasty to me that day.)
He WANTS me to suffer and cave in and admit I can't do it alone--therefore will invite him back out of necessity without requiring him to do what I need him to do for himself, for me, and for our M.
His 'What does it matter?" comment sounds like "YOU don't WANT me, so what do you care what I'm reading?" Really, it's a question you'd ask anyone, right? So why the pissy act? It sounds all pouty to me.
I think he feels like I am rejecting HIM because I have not pursued and cried and begged him to come save me, incompetent that I am.
In fact, he was a lot more receptive to me back when I was crying and sad and broken--AS LONG AS I didn't say anything to upset him. (Codependent MUCH? )
Well, those days are gone, my Peeps!
He's going to have to grow a pair if he wants to be with me. If not, then that's his loss.
If he does, I will even learn to knit so I can create a "Reinforced Jockstrap Collection: Hand Embroidered with the Days of the Week" just for his new set.
Anyhow, he's flip-flopping again. He's angry. He's trying to make me feel more lonely, more in need of him, I really feel this is what's happening here. He's pushing me to collapse so he can come back without asking or changing.
I do not think he will not ask to come home. I suspect the "talk" may well be about how I really "need his help" and therefore he should come back. It's the only way he'll be able to bring that up.
I have asked for more help before and he essentially refused. So it's not that he wants to help me more, he wants me to want him to come home. Wants me to want him.
So then I guess he can decide whether or not he wants me? Uh-uh. Nope.
Ain't gonna happen! And if that's the case, I can expect him to REALLY GET ANGRY and up the ante. Because he'll take it as a REJECTION.
I have to be prepared for this and stand my ground firmly yet kindly. This is non-negotiable. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know this ^^^^ is all mind reading, but there's got to be a certain amount of reflection about these interactions, to indicate what his frame of mind might be at the moment.
He does have a lot of resentment towards me and one of these days I'd like to ask him to make a list of all the ways I have been unkind, disrespectful, destructive, hurtful towards him. Because I don't think he can come up with anything substantial that was based on MY behavior and not on his interpretation and coloring of it with his own expectations/issues.
I have not been perfect, but I do know for a fact that I never did anything to hurt him or the M. My failings have all been things that I could have done better, but nothing that should have made him feel like my desire was to hurt him.
Whatever. Enough about him.
My phone is blowing up with invites for the next three weeks. Gotta go....
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
I'd say:
