Regarding a potential OM: There has been some discussion about whether or not to find out if there is another man/woman involved. While I understand that it will cause heartache to the LBS and possibly negatively impact future interactions with the WAS, to me, knowing whether or not family funds are being spent financing an affair, not exposing ourselves to STD, and not being taken advantage of as a cuckold when you find out you're the last one to know... well, that's something each of us has to decide for him/herself.
If you decide to go on a OM hunt, check in here first. Because if you DO find evidence of either a physical or emotional relationship, you're going to be hit like a ton of bricks and things are going to turn very ugly in your interactions with your wife.
So don't go snooping until you have more feedback here. Don't accuse her of anything when you don't have proof. That just comes up as jealous and insecure--two big turnoffs.
Just keep observing her closely without reading much into her behavior, because she will contradict herself at every turn. Simply keep that idea in the back of your mind, because WAS are going to lie to you. And then lie some more. Even if they think they're telling you "their truth" because they just really don't know what they want, most of the time.
Be prepared to be painted as the bad guy. It's how they justify their behavior. Because if you weren't so terrible, then they'd be terrible people for doing this to a decent person. Can't have that, so they demonize us.
Don't take her actions personally.
Someone said, I think the wise Sandi2: "Q-TIP" = Quit Taking It Personally.
Most of the time, it's not really about you, it's ALL ABOUT THEM.
But definitely own your own failings in the M and work hard to figure out what those might be. Get started on fixing them. The more you improve yourself, the less our spouses can see that person they need to leave so badly.
Talk less--DO more.
---(G)GGG
Me 54 Him 63 M 23 T 29 0 Kids Funny Farm of Rescues 12/12 OW-- 5/13 ILYBINILWY: A denied 9/13 Proof OW: ENDED 2/14 Got D papers on my BD I kicked him out for my sanity 9/14 He wants to "talk"?
