DB, Oh man thank you for your honesty. This is the kind of stuff I crave from H but I have a hard time getting and an even harder time accepting without anger and/or tears.
I am not going to sugar coat this: Hearing that a naked woman doesn't do much for you (or him, by proxy) is a huge bummer for me. I mean, I can't even do it justice in words.
And that is because, while it does nothing for H, it DOES do something for me. He is missing out on the REAL ME by ignoring and/or being desensitized to it.
The lingerie...well, sometimes it is for me and sometimes it's for both of us. And again, that is because it is something that I want to share with him. I realize that it might be applying pressure to him, or whatever, but the fact remains that this is ME that I'm showing to him and if he rejects it, he is rejecting ME. There is no other way to put it. This is not something I do all the time, btw, I am talking maybe 3-4 times per year.
It is no different than if he decides to open his heart to me about some other topic. I have a choice--at that moment--to accept it with open arms and allow him to show his real self, or I can shut him down. And I have done both, lest I come off as a perfect wife! I'm not.....
My whole point is that I as the HD partner who obviously needs more in the sexual arena than he does, am very resentful of having to twist and turn myself all around so that HE feels the correct way and can find it in himself to ML to me. It seems as if I have to give up all the things that I enjoy about the sex process simply because they don't do it for him. And since sex is a two person process (well, normally, lol) you're right..there is no need to do things that don't work.
But I do believe that H has a responsibility to me, as his wife, to indulge this side of me from time to time. If he REALLY wants to be married to ME and he really loves ME as he says he does, then why on earth would he not want to?
And when I don't see this effort from him, is when things start to spiral down in the Honey House.
Incidentally, I should add that things are NOT down in the Honey House right now; they are quite good. But this post struck a nerve with me because it has been a long standing gripe of mine--that H is missing out on ME because he doesn't happen to get turned on by the same things as I do. So I contort myself to be what he responds to and then I feel cheated.
And don't even tell me to stop contorting myself! Who knows how little sex I'd end up with then...
Thanks again for posting this; it was very enlightening.
Now I need one final thing from ya, DB. Can you give me an example of what your WAW could have said to you to get you going? I am notoriously bad at drawing the line--the things I think are sexy, he thinks are crude. So can you help me out here? What would have been a surefire way to build that boat? (btw, that had me crackin up)
