New, looking for help. WAW won't communicate.

[okjpc]

25yearsmlc,

Thank you for your reply. The kids were actually all very close with each other. And I was particularly close to my stepson. His biological father had been absent most of his life and when his mom and I married, he asked me if he could call me “Dad” and later said on a number of occasions that I had become his “real dad”. (His father, by the way, reentered the picture at the same time my wife and I got remarried and caused a lot of friction.)

The SD was stand-offish with me, but we were starting to communicate more right before the separation. My wife told me on numerous occasions that I was a great father figure to them.
That said, I did indeed lose my temper in front of the family a few times. At the beginning of August, the SS and I had a pretty big blowup. I never laid a hand on any of the kids (or my wife), but I yelled a lot during this blowup. The SS had been really disrespectful towards his mom and me, telling us to “STFU”, etc. I lost my cool on one occasion and told him he was messing up, needed to get himself straight. Unfortunately, I yelled all this and used quite a bit of profanity.

The SS went to his biological father, who stirred up all sorts of trouble. The SS used this wedge to get all sorts of toys and favors (new Play Station, etc.). My wife and I fought about this issue for a few weeks before she left.
So I would say for the most part I have been a very good stepfather, but yes, I lost my temper on a number of occasions.

You ask what I have been doing to correct these behaviors in myself. I have been going to IC 2x/week for the past few months; working my 12 steps again with my sponsor; reaching out to more people for accountability in this area; increased my prayer and meditation; have read a few books and taken an online course about anger; have started going back to church and have begun a dialogue with the pastor about my anger.

I wrote my WAW a very heartfelt amends letter about a month ago. I do think I understand how I let her down and injured her. I wish there were a way to communicate with her directly and seek MC with her. She actually came to one session, told me and the counselor she loved me and saw me as her “soulmate”, but she also made it clear that she was angry with me. We had lunch that day and talked a bit. She had already left the house the week before that. The week after that session, she brought the moving van and I haven’t seen her since. That was two months ago.