I've been reading your posts and struggle with advice because I think the situation with your H's depression is a tough one.
That being said, there is a lot going on in your posts. I think right now you should consider taking a step back for a moment. Your post about the 30 lbs of lost weight concerns me. Stop worrying about your H for a week. He should be ok for that long, right? (If you need to contact him out of concern for his safety keep t as brief as possible) Start with that, and during that week focus on your health. Concentrate on getting some nutritious calories in you (tip- right after BD , soup was my best friend- easy to digest and chock full of nutrients). Drink enough water everyday, cut back on coffee if you need to, etc. You sound like a smart lady - and I'm sure you know what to do - but I would make this your immediate focus. It will help you deal with everything else - and yes, get some entertaining reading in the mix!
