The Black Knight Lost in the End

[LoisB]

Stubborn,

I'm really not blaming him as much as I see how I'm not managing this all very well. My main priorities, my job and D12 are suffering.

I don't do things half-a$$ed and that's what's happening right now. I'm doing a half-a$4ed D and a half-a$4ed job and I'm a half-a$4ed mom.

I'm going to end up with a half-a$4ed settlement and no job.

I've had a good night's sleep and more clarity than I've had in months.

Since we decided to move here...actually even before, I've been on auto-pilot. Just going through the motions.

I'm taking my life back. That's what this was all about in the first place...taking MY LIFE BACK.

And, strangely, I may need to stay married a bit longer in order to make the point that I will not submit to this insanity. I will remove myself and make this job a success.

At this point, life is back to outta control...just like Ohio. That's not why I moved.

When Heather tries to keep a million people happy, Heather goes a little bonkers.

Right now...

I'm trying to keep my atty happy.
My many, many bosses happy (there are about five men watching what I'm doing carefully at work)
D12
Etc...

I've lost my focus and I need to get it back.

I can't think of a more fun thing to do right now than say, "Let's stay married."

All that money you just spent? Bah. For today, give me my child support.

That's what I have instinctively felt about his D since the beginning. I went into my atty's office one year ago and told him that slamming Smokey with all of it at once will get us no where. He will fight back hard.

If, however, we give him the illusion he is getting his way...well, that's different.

I begged my atty to focus on the child support first. IN AN ENTIRE YEAR, THIS ATTY HAS NOT GOTTEN A STEADY CHILD SUPPORT PAYMENT. THIS AIN'T THE ATTY FOR ME.