I hope you're reading this. If not, I'll post it again somewhere where you will find it. Anyway I am reproducing your post to splitenz here for my own benefit as I find it really useful and did not want to disrupt her thread. I have a few questions I hope you can answer though.
Dbrookie said:
Depression, job stress, kids, and a lot of other factors can play a big role in LD.
This is what is affecting my H too, I think.
The one big lesson from SSM is that YOU have to change to get HIM to change. LD H won't do it without something changing. In my case...the HD W had to move out.
Tell me Dbrookie, what do you think the HDW can change about themselves without resorting to moving out.
Some men...like me...actually need to feel loved, appreciated, confident, etc. to get our engines going. I would be willing to guess that he has a lot of sexual thoughts, but he's not able to act on them for whatever reason. Could be some mental hang-ups or how even you deal with him about it. Don't take that too personal.
Dbrookie, what do you think your W could have done to get your engine going?
How stressful is his job? Does he talk about the pressure of his work? Does he FEEL like he has a lot of pressure to provide the bulk of the $$$? I used to be the only breadwinner...and let me tell you...feeling like if you were to loose your job that everything would fall apart can crush your sex drive.
Yes Dbrookie, my Hs job is very stressful and I am well aware that the stress of being the main/only breadwinner is killing his libido. I have tried to reduce his stress as much as I can (although he says I add to them sometimes). So what would you suggest a HDW do to in such a sitch to bring the "crushed" sex drive back? I am at a total loss as to how to handle this. I mean this stress will not go away and even if I do return to work there will be other stresses, so how does one help the H get the sex drive back as there will always be stressors. I understood that my H had a lot of stress and waited patiently by for one by one of them to be handled and we have managed to get over most of them but I am always the last priority. I am still waiting........
Take stock that with some support, patience, and help...he can come around again. He wasn't always like this...right?
I have given support, lots of patience and help and yet I am still waiting......for H to come around.
No...but you can start the ball in motion. You can't force him to read the book...but try this....find a passage that expresses how you feel...make a photocopy...and leave it for him. Try it a little bit at a time....
Oh, I've tried that too but of course if did not work, H only got more angry and pressured.
OK...so what does he say the problem is besides timing?
Well, in my case, H says theres no problem, even after not touching me for 2 years, so what do you say to that?
Sorry, this has been rather lengthy but I thought that your post was rather useful to me. Thanks.
