There is NO equity in this house. We will be lucky to break even...especially after Smokey has now invested more money into it.

Two things are at stake...spousal support and his retirement.

At this point. If I pulled out now, I honestly don't feel that I would regret spending the money I have on the atty. If I can get spousal support and child support nailed down, in this round...then, I feel it would be a victory of sorts.

And, I know in my heart of hearts...that given the chance, I will be able to earn plenty of money for me and the girls. My editor has already applauded my column writing skills weekly..saying that my column is the best thing in my paper. He LOVES my column. I'm good at this type of writing and I could earn more off of it...IF...IF...IF I continue on this career path.

As I was driving home in the snow...I felt a sense of peace. I looked at the pretty snow and realized, "This is MY NEW HOME."

This beautiful place is MY HOME. :-)

Smokey is invading it. For two months, he has invaded it in every way...I half expect him to show up one day. I'm sure he will actually.

The first time I remember Smokey undermining my success. I was thinking of this while I was driving.

I was in college and earned a place with the honor society for our college. We were invited to dinner with the Dean and President of the University who personally handed out the awards. Smokey didn't show.

I sat wondering where he was the entire dinner.

When I got home, I asked him what happened. He said he forgot.

I remember what I was wearing. I remember where I was sitting at that dinner. I remember spending the entire evening wondering where he was. I remember crying on my way home.

He made it about him.

That was the start. I started suffocating my own talents and shine that night. I started to hide myself from everyone.

This job, this move...THIS WILL NOT BE ABOUT HIM. It's my turn.

And, I'm just not sure My Atty, with his Atty...I don't know. I have my doubts.

I see his atty pushing hard. He is known in the county we are from as being laborious and tough. IDK. Something just doesn't jive.

When I married Smokey, I had prayed hard and knew it was the right decision for me. I've never doubted that decision.

This situation, right now, I don't feel that certainty. I have many doubts. I'm not sure I will be able to live with myself if my job is jeopardized in ANY WAY after all we've been through. And, frankly, I can't see how I am, as a human being, able to give ALL of myself to my job when so much is being demanded from this D and from D12 and from D20.

Why am I spinning to answer questions for Smokey the A$$hole? Why


"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man

“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson