3). Don't be a doormat. If the WAS wants out, don't succumb to the occasional gestures that make you think things are on the mend. You will know when they are, trust me. But the little tricks are very hard to ignore and they will inevitably lead you to another broken heart.
Here's an example: I had been separated for 8 months and landed a consulting gig that had me on the road for 2 weeks at a stretch. The day I had to go back out on the road I would take the kids out to eat and W would join us. Then when it was time for me to go and say my goodbyes, W would give me a goodbye hug. Kind of strange behavior from a WAS if you think about it.
Anyway, this went on for 5-6 months. Then one day I finally decided to initiate a relationship conversation. I had been receiving "signals" or so I thought. When I asked about the big "us", my W said flatly that her feelings hadn't changed. I was crushed, again!
4). If your WAS has issues to deal with, they really need to deal with them. It they don't, and you do end up reconciling, the same problems that led to the breakup are bound to crop up again. The same thing goes for you.
As I mentioned in a previous post, my W suffers from depression. It has gotten considerably worse over the past several years. And in hindsight, her depression prior to the breakup and my unrecognized (by me) reaction to it had made me extremely unhappy. So if the depression has worsened, could I conceivably be happy reconciling? It is very doubtful. I'd would very likely end up back in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. And is that really anyway to live a life?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
