I find funny stuff to send him all the time but never do becuase I can't decide if that's something that will earn me a spot in the "friend's zone" or not. I could just reply with "Hahahaha" and leave it at that, but would IGNORING it get me better results?
I did tell him a while ago I didn't want to be friends with him after our break up logistics were finalized, because I want to be in his life as MORE than a friend.
But will frequent, light contact draw him closer (so long as he's initiating, of course)?
So unsure of what to do!
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Advice: Ignore the text. All he is doing is checking to see if you can be hooked. When you take the bait, he will drop you again. It is how the walk-away operates.
Just the other day my WAS sent me a text asking if I would bring home some milk when I drop off S16 from soccer practice. Now, I don't live at the house nor do I ask her to do my shopping. So what would be her motivation other than laziness? She is testing me to see if she can still string me along.
So how did I respond? Sorry, your "honey can you pick up some milk" card expired 3 years ago.
Was that a harsh response? Probably. But I don't care and she is a big girl.
So back again to your question, I say ignore it and let him stew on it. If he texts again, keep on ignoring it. Stay dark and continue to see how things evolve. Meanwhile, take care of you!
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Here's the thing. If the WAS is ready to come back, you will know. It won't be some subtle hint dropped here and there. If the WAS truly wants to come back and is afraid you are gonna bail because you have gone and remained dark, YOU WILL KNOW!
Now there are many things that might motivate a change of heart, including seeing changes in you that make you more attractive. Or perhaps the grass is not as green as expected.
Just keep that powder dry and keep working on you and your own immediate needs.
Make sense?
Me51 W53 S17 S14 M22 T25 Bomb-9/11; A-11/11; I move out 11/11
It's easy to find our bottom, it is our top that requires cultivation.
Every rough spot adds to our emotional constitution. -Barney Fife
I don't have advice, just my example. In my sitch, I choose to respond to these communications. They're emails, and few are "funny" stuff, but it happens. It's more on the "useful" or "relevant" spectrum. For a while, I went almost dark and my W started asking what was the problem. I also realized that part of the problem in my relationship was that I was non-responsive to my W, so a 180 for me was to be more present. I don't know if it's a good idea and frankly, no vet has weighted in on this strategy yet.
I think I gave you some advice before: your response should match the quality of the input. Don't answer "hahahahaha" if it's a "haha" kind of text. Raise the bar: show him that you're sophisticated and somewhat hard to please, that he's rewarded when at his best. Men (and women) like to be valued. And we know when we made a good or a lame joke. We respect the women who laugh at our best efforts and stay silent when we're lame.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
The "more present" thing resonates. I was very absent for BF in our R. It was one of his issues. Hmmmm......
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I admit it. I went back "LOL" last night about 2 hours after the original text. We went quiet after that.
6:30am today he's twxting again. He initiated. Hmmmm.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Okay, so we've been talking via text all day. So much for me ignoring him. :P
I blew a whole ton of sunshine up his ass. About how life is nearly perfect and I'm so happy with where I've landed. About how I'm changing me for the better and doing X, Y and Z.
I know we're not supposed to point out our changes, but it was done in a way of, "I know, can you believe that now I'm....blah blah blah? And I started going to [X activity] and I'm doing [Y interest]! It's like I've done a total 180 in the last four months, I'm so totally [insert positive crap here]!"
He came back with how he's happy for/proud of me, and I'm an awesome person and I deserve the best and once I find someone that has everything I'm looking for they'll get "an amazing woman".
Whatever, jerk. That was you, and I could be YOUR amazing woman, but your head is still up your ass. :P
Then he said he felt like we held each other back, to which I told him the only one that can hold me back is me and I'm making me happy and he should do the same.
THEN....he felt the need to point out that the sex between us was amazing. And why. AGAIN. But I ignored that and glossed it over.
I dunno. OW must not be engaging him if he feels the need to go here with me. I don't know what his game is.
The rest of the convo has been mostly chatty BS, about nothing in particular.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
