Thanks Tim. I suppose it also can be hard for men when other men talk about sex. I do get that. Somehow though, men are always supposed to be wanting more than they are getting. At least that's the storyline.
I guess I don't always feel alone with H, but it's rare. I don't understand why I didn't get out of this relationship when I was young. There is something safe, I suppose, that has kept me there, even though I feel so empty inside. H is persistent though...if feels like he doesn't love me, but he won't leave.
Regarding partners after 54, I know it's possible (and no, there aren't a lot of good men that age out there), but I can't even imagine what it would be like to have sex with someone who has a MD or HD. I would probably like it (I certainly did when I was 21), but it would be very different after 33 years of no affection and sex once a month (sometimes twice a month...sometimes once every two years). If we were somehow connected in another way, it might be okay, but that's not really the case either.
H certainly had had sex when he first met me, but never really a girlfriend. It was sort of one night stands when he was drunk. He doesn't look at women much (which I like), although he can get turned on by porn...but this is after we've gone a long time without sex. I do think he likes sex when we have it, but there doesn't seem to be any increased connection afterwards like there is for me...and we go back quickly to being distant. I am willing to do most anything he wants sexually, he just doesn't seem to be able to keep it in his mind that it's fun. I guess deep in my heart I believe he isn't gay, but just LD. If he was gay however, he might leave me for another man, and I'd have him out of my life--and my kids wouldn't hate me for leaving.
