The Black Knight II

[LoisB]

Thank you Life.

And, Wonka, are you freakin kiddin me?

Dude, all I DO is live, breathe, think newspaper. And, honestly, that's how I want it right now. This is a stupid, stupid waste of time and money.

Let Smokey have at it.

I owe the atty $500. I would like to ask him to achieve a steady support payment. That's it.

I'm homeschooling my daughter with Asperger's who desperately needs my attention right now. D20 is trying to sort her life out. We live in this ideal location and all I'm doing is throwing back Prozac to get through each day. Prozac and coffee. And, trying to maintain my job...when, what I FEEL I SHOULD BE DOING IS FOCUSING ON MY JOB.

I'm sorry guys. I'm not Superhuman. This D is going to rock me. Going back to Ohio and seeing and ALLLLL of his allegations will rock me. It just will.

I know myself. I know my limitations. I've lived on the edge for a very long time now and I see light at the end of the tunnel. Only, Smokey is standing in my way.

Removing my volley from the game may be the thing that rocks him more than any witnesses or whatever.

I just want my kids to be safe from his insanity and I WANT THAT SUPPORT PAYMENT. THAT's it.

[LoisB]

To be really honest, I feel like this D is playing his game more than anything. I've now given he and his parents a venue to make all their ridiculous claims. And, for what? Chances are good that he will end up MORE involved in D12's life...now that the court and his parents are watching

[Wonka]

Heather,

Trust me. Smokey won't be very much involved in D12's life given his past actions, inability to even interact with them at the human level, and the physical distance between the two of you.

Don't let their silly games get to you.

I just want my kids to be safe from his insanity and I WANT THAT SUPPORT PAYMENT. THAT's it.

This too shall pass. For now, you're going have to dig in deep for that last reservior of strength and fight for what YOU/DDs are rightfully entitled to. Support payments and half of his retirement. Oh and half of the funds of the house sale.

Don't walk way with a puny $500 a month.

[Lifes Twists]

Lets slow down and think things through carefully:

1) If the house is in both their names, smokie cannot sell it without heather being involved. So they can set it up to get separate checks at closing or no closing or sale.

2) Child support will probably be a little more than $500.00 per month.

The rest can be put off till Heather is more established were she is. Then she can go for it. What will a little time hurt?

I have been going through this for 2 years now in terms of the divorce. I don't think putting it off for a year is a bad thing. It would allow heather to start it again on her terms in New York rather than in Ohio.

[kml]

1) STOP SPINNING. It doesn't help you. Take a deep breath, do whatever you need to do to calm down and refocus.

2)

I took 5 Prozac today. FIVE. And drank coffee throughout to keep going.

STOP doing this! Prozac is NOT a drug to be taken this way!!! Too much serotonin can cause a very adverse reaction called serotonin syndrome. Plus, Prozac does not work immediately like that, so taking extra in a day will NOT help you and will only hurt. And, in fact, too much Prozac will hurt your concentration. Take your medication AS PRESCRIBED once a day. If you need more help with anxiety, try a little magnesium and some l-theanine (an amino acid supplement). Or try taking an adrenal glandular support like Adrenal Rebuilders from Future Formulations. But stop misusing your prescription meds in this way - it will NOT help you and could be very harmful. (Yes, I'm an M.D. and know what I'm talking about here).

3) As for the 100 questions - just answer a few a day. Most will be bullsh!t anyway, there can't possibly be 100 legitimate questions. Bring them here if you need help on wording an answer. Put aside any that need research for now, and tell the judge you need additional time to find the records on those items.

(P.S. there's no way you'll sleep tonight with all that Prozac and coffee, if you have melatonin or anything herbal to calm you down for sleep, take some. )

[123Gwen]

Hi Heather,

I am have been reading your old posts and you have been incredibly brave. You have accomplished so much under really difficult circumstances. Please take a deep breath and give yourself an atta' girl. Seriously, close your eyes for a minute, breath and think about how far you've come.

I have read your story but I am also enough of an outsider and what I keep reading is fear. Not inability but fear. I bet it is that gut wrenching, bone crushing, punch in the gut feeling of fear. You are letting the fear drive your life. I bet you are tired too. I know when I get exhausted the fear seeps out of my pores until I am truly possessed and usually paralyzed. Kind of like a deer in headlights.

Right now it sounds like your ONLY priority should be your job. This opportunity is the gateway to freedom. It has the potential to give you financial and emotional freedom from all the crap you left behind.

My sense is that if you can just focus completely on the job all the other things will fall into line eventually. Pretend you're Steve Jobs or Mary Kay or Dianne Sawyer - anyone who was obsessed and focused on their career. They didn't apologize. If this were one of those people they would call the attorney and say "I am busy. Fix it so it will not interfere with what I have to do." If the attorney can't fix it with the money he has then withdraw and stick with temporary support. Tell him to tell the judge you have to work. Judges respect work. Smokey will fear your work. You will get stronger and only then when you say it is time will you take your focus away from your career. Be relentless and don't apologize.

I think if your daughter sees you kicking a$$ and taking names so you shine at work she will understand. I have a daughter who has learning differences and she is literal. Don't beat around the bush. Tell her this is what you must do and you need her support. She will help you stay focused.

You can do this. I just feel like you are meant to succeed but you are too scared to see it right now. Please try to be kind to yourself. Just focus on the job. No apologies and no regrets.

Sorry if I sound too bossy. I am still trying to find my voice in cyberspace. All I am trying to say is stay focused on the task at hand. Make a list - one for work and one for home. Do not worry about the other when you are not there. Only work the list in front of you and focus completely on the task at hand. You will feel stronger. You will master things bit by bit. You will not feel so scattered. If you feel more in control you will look more in control and people will respond to that.

I just thing you are spinning and you have more options than you think. Hang in there.

[kml]

Read the Wikipedia entry on serotonin syndrome and you'll see why I'm aghast at you taking 5 Prozac in one day. (Libby Zion died of serotonin syndrome, btw).

[GoatGal]

Heather, me too on the Prozac. ^^^^

But you know this, I'm sure.


--(G)GGG

[123Gwen]

Heather- Forget everything I just wrote. I am an idiot. I sounded like one. I am very sorry.. There are far wiser people here giving you great advice. Tomorrow is a new day. Hugs.

[Wonka]

Gwen,

I enjoy your posts. What you have to say does have value around here. Thank you for sharing and I mean it.