I'm a very voluptous, large, self assured, attractive woman that by all medical definitions am WAY too heavy. I have curves, lots of them and NO hangups about my body, so not all larger ladies have body image issues. Good Gawd man, open your eyes to the possiblities that a real woman can offer...
Younger women are not necessarily more sexual, that seems to be another urban myth. Most of my mature girlfriends comment that they are more sexual as they have aged. But then again, perhaps like minded people are drawn to each other.
I don't know where you do your "research" but you may be looking at very skewed data...depends on the parameters set when the data was collected. Has this "data" been verified with additional data collection systems? Don't just depend on one study, look at several similar ones.
Annette, Your four girlfriends who left their husbands--are they happy they left their husbands for lack of affection? Are they finding new men to date? How old? Thanks.
SuperDave: Is the rest of your marriage good though. I think my husband creates discord so there will be no intimacy. As he says, "He doesn't like deep [censored]." so we don't get to talk about emotions. He's also very controlling of me. I'm really getting H is not gay, he just doesn't like sex often and doesn't like affection at all. I feel as a woman, I have no power in our relationship. He's not that nice to me. I make more money, have more education, have more friends, am passionate, loving, nice, easy going (I have lots of faults too, but I am an resistant to hearing about them)---but he knows how to entrap me.
I think if you have a good relationship otherwise, being patient about sex makes more sense. I am talking to a coach tomorrow. My first appt. was good, but all they can do is talk to you about what you can do to make things better. I think I walk on eggshells already, so he won't pull away anymore. At the same time, he doesn't want to split up. I really don't get it. I think he likes the idea of being married to me...he just doesn't want to act married.
Thanks Tim. I suppose it also can be hard for men when other men talk about sex. I do get that. Somehow though, men are always supposed to be wanting more than they are getting. At least that's the storyline.
I guess I don't always feel alone with H, but it's rare. I don't understand why I didn't get out of this relationship when I was young. There is something safe, I suppose, that has kept me there, even though I feel so empty inside. H is persistent though...if feels like he doesn't love me, but he won't leave.
Regarding partners after 54, I know it's possible (and no, there aren't a lot of good men that age out there), but I can't even imagine what it would be like to have sex with someone who has a MD or HD. I would probably like it (I certainly did when I was 21), but it would be very different after 33 years of no affection and sex once a month (sometimes twice a month...sometimes once every two years). If we were somehow connected in another way, it might be okay, but that's not really the case either.
H certainly had had sex when he first met me, but never really a girlfriend. It was sort of one night stands when he was drunk. He doesn't look at women much (which I like), although he can get turned on by porn...but this is after we've gone a long time without sex. I do think he likes sex when we have it, but there doesn't seem to be any increased connection afterwards like there is for me...and we go back quickly to being distant. I am willing to do most anything he wants sexually, he just doesn't seem to be able to keep it in his mind that it's fun. I guess deep in my heart I believe he isn't gay, but just LD. If he was gay however, he might leave me for another man, and I'd have him out of my life--and my kids wouldn't hate me for leaving.
CeMar, I'm pretty sure you didn't really mean that if you were on the market you'd look mainly for a "hardbody", but it does sound like you think that better-looking women have fewer issues. I doubt it. My impression is that the better they look, the more shallow they are (and, of course, that is a GROSS over-generalization, and not really meant as such - lest I appear even more shallow than that!). I just mean that if I were on the market, I'd be looking for someone who is sympatico, regardless of what they look like. Looks would not be my primary criteria...
Quote: I guess I don't always feel alone with H, but it's rare. I don't understand why I didn't get out of this relationship when I was young.
Hi. Yes all 4 are happy they left their marriages for lack of affection. 2 are very happy with other guys in their lives they date exclusevly. One is dating different guys, having a good time, and 1 is unhappy and lonely at times, but still glad she ended the marriage. She says being alone alot of the time is still worth the pain and agony of being married and not able to seek the kind of relationship she wants. Says maybe one day the right guy will come along. She has made some new friends and does things she didn't before like going out. They are all between the ages of 38 and 47.
But after living the last 17 years of my life with a women that gained some weight and now has "body image" problems, I want to avoid women that have body image problems, and that probably means finding a woman that keeps herself in good shape. I will also say that "physical Attractiveness" is one of my needs, but it is not all that high on the list.
Thanks Annette. That's good to hear. Even if I say it might be better to be alone than this, it scares me....and the kids will be so upset. I am so upset, and stopped. But I'm getting counselling from a phone therapist who is trying to help us make baby steps to keep this together. When I talk to her I have lots of hope. When I'm with H, I have little hope.
hi luvhubby - i hope this is still your 'home' thread? thanks so much for picking up on my comments, yes, H is happy i like the handholding, and continues to do more it is very sweet, though sometimes it can feel uncool i was just wondering how your sitch was these days. hugs, slowly
i was just wondering how your sitch was these days. hugs, slowly