Busting a Move - LisaB Ch6

[LisaB]

Hi friends, Figured since I'm on a roll why not start a new chapter? Old one: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2511682&page=1

It's been five months since BD. I would say not much has changed. At this point WAH is a lot more friendly, a lot more eager to have a "relationship" with me than he was 5 months ago. But he is still not asking to reunite and he is still with OWs, although some different OWs than before.

Toying with a few ideas and points of view to see what my next best move is:

- if we will never reunite -
Maybe someday I will want to be friends, but not now. At this time I can't handle not being number one in his life.

- if we will reunite someday -
He needs to work through this OW stuff first, and then realize he wants to be with me. There is probably nothing I can really do to make him work through the OW stuff more quickly. Therefore I would rather not be around to know the details.

Busting my moves
So I can see that at this time I do not want to be friends and I do not want to be around him. I was being friendly (in response) with him because I thought it might strengthen and reinforce our bond, and could lead to getting back together. And I still think it could. But it is just too painful for me right now.

As Ahoy said on the end of my last thread, it is not cool to have to audition for our marriages. And I feel like that is what I have been doing. I have been looking good, smelling good, showing off my humor and my smarts, being kind and friendly. But he is still playing around out there. I feel like I am in an ongoing competition where I keep being second runner up but I still have to stand on the stage and smile and look happy for the winners. It's too difficult.

I need to take care of myself. Having said that, I will need help and advice on exactly how to manage this. (I'd love concrete advice, especially from the guys out there?)

I don't usually contact WAH first, he contacts me. And lately he is very friendly, helpful and caring. If I reply with brief answers it doesn't really accomplish anything. We are still in contact and nothing changes. He just keeps texting me nearly every day and each day is a new challenge on how to respond briefly.

I can simply stop replying to him. I haven't responded to his last four messages. They were nice messages but I have been in a very low place and I just can't handle it. But isn't it rude not to reply to messages or to be very brief? Is it DB?

I feel my dilemma would be solved if I could simply say something like "I don't want to talk to you until you quit dating all these other women!" but that is not DB and makes me look like I am still pining away for him.

I guess the best plan would be to not reply to most of his contact, be very brief when I do reply but not incredibly rude, and just take my space. But if he has second thoughts will he find a way to tell me or will he just accept that I have moved on? At this point, I guess it is simply a chance I have to take. I can't continue in friendly limbo.

Thanks for reading my tome and wish me luck on this stage of my journey where I bust a move.