Angry WAH blames me for everything.......

[Calibri]

Bad, bad mood today.

Bullet points, cause that's how I'm going to roll.

- I feel like a piece of trash that H has thrown away. Like, "oh this serves me no purpose anymore/I don't like it, into the garbage it goes."

-This has brought out all of my childhood insecurities to the surface. Especially with H's possible (probable) depression. I feel exactly like I did my entire childhood, wondering why I wasn't good enough for my mentally ill father to stick around or to be a part of my life. Or to take his meds to be stable. Mentally ill father didn't want to pay child support, and even went so far as to call me around age 12 - to tell me that I was an ungrateful, spoiled punk who was undeserving of his money and he had found himself a "good woman" who showed him the respect he deserved and he was going to support her children -- because they deserved his money and support more.

So now I'm all insecure, again. Questions running though my head: "Why am I not good enough?" "Why does everyone walk away?" "Why Why Why?"

-I am SO, SO angry at H right now. We were supposed to be settled into the house we were going to buy. I had already made pintrest boards for holiday decorating, and remodeling. That dream is gone. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for me to get that property back into our family. That's gone. And so is my H, for right now. Possibly forever.

-Another reason I'm angry at my H right now? Had he shared his feelings, once, JUST ONCE, I would've moved mountains to change our relationship. Because I love the hell out of him. I can't change what I don't know. I feel like I failed a test I didn't know I was taking.

-Trying to think about the relationship from H's perspective. I probably wouldn't come home, either.

-Realizing his mindset, he probably isn't talking to me because he doesn't want to. Because he doesn't want to work on the relationship. So, I feel like I'm some obligation. That's a crappy place to be right now.

Fantastic Tuesday ya'll.

I realize my stitch is unique in the sense that there isn't an A/OP/etc, and the depression/anger factoring into it -- I really could use some support/advice. I feel very lost.